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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Bleeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1015



    Description:
       Complicated as I may be, I can't write much better than I could when I was two... This isn't that good. But I would like to know what you think either way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Bleeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I bleed crimson regret,
    From deep blue veins.
    Nothing good remains,
    Some things I long to forget.

    I bleed white emotion,
    For the one I love so,
    Unsure that he knows,
    Feelings deeper than any ocean.

    I bleed hatred, pure black,
    Evil flows through me,
    Satan couldn't out-do me,
    For I have what he lacks.

    I bleed purple apathy,
    Indifference towards man,
    Society can't forever stand,
    Order, its eternal enemy.

    I bleed thick, green envy,
    Coveting those that smile,
    Long to laugh for a while,
    What is this we call felicity?

    I bleed bright yellow, fear,
    Doubts overwhelm and consume,
    You're wrong if you assume,
    I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.




    Submitted on 2006-11-27 06:45:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem! I like how you mix in color and blood and bring them together! Very original! I like the flow and structure! This is going on my favorites!!


    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think its a good write. Very interesting. :)
    Its kinda a choppy rhythm, but my fav. poems are the ones that rhymn so they usually have to flow perfectly. But other than that. Great.
    I love this stanza:

    I bleed bright yellow, fear,
    Doubts overwhelm and consume,
    You're wrong if you assume,
    I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

    Because I feel that way alot too, I appear as strong as I can, the best I can, but never really am. :/

    I love your use of color for all the definitions.
    Crimsom regret, white emotion, black hatred (I like that one), and so one.
    Very creative.

    And of course:

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.

    Its perfect, it pulls all the colors together for the perfect finale. :)
    Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, it was diffarant. But the one thing that stood out to me was the repatition of the line "I bleed" it got old quickly, and made me want to stop reading. And yet the use of colors with their emotion help my attention long enough to finish. But over all, it was good! Just perhaps find an alternative way of writeing "I bleed" on some lines.

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.

    Was my favorite stanza, this one worked well.

    I bleed crimson regret,
    From deep blue veins.
    Nothing good remains,
    Some things I long to forget

    Is the line that describes me the best btw. :) Good job,
    ~David~
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]


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