Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Bleeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1015



    Description:
       Complicated as I may be, I can't write much better than I could when I was two... This isn't that good. But I would like to know what you think either way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Bleeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I bleed crimson regret,
    From deep blue veins.
    Nothing good remains,
    Some things I long to forget.

    I bleed white emotion,
    For the one I love so,
    Unsure that he knows,
    Feelings deeper than any ocean.

    I bleed hatred, pure black,
    Evil flows through me,
    Satan couldn't out-do me,
    For I have what he lacks.

    I bleed purple apathy,
    Indifference towards man,
    Society can't forever stand,
    Order, its eternal enemy.

    I bleed thick, green envy,
    Coveting those that smile,
    Long to laugh for a while,
    What is this we call felicity?

    I bleed bright yellow, fear,
    Doubts overwhelm and consume,
    You're wrong if you assume,
    I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.




    Submitted on 2006-11-27 06:45:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem! I like how you mix in color and blood and bring them together! Very original! I like the flow and structure! This is going on my favorites!!


    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think its a good write. Very interesting. :)
    Its kinda a choppy rhythm, but my fav. poems are the ones that rhymn so they usually have to flow perfectly. But other than that. Great.
    I love this stanza:

    I bleed bright yellow, fear,
    Doubts overwhelm and consume,
    You're wrong if you assume,
    I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

    Because I feel that way alot too, I appear as strong as I can, the best I can, but never really am. :/

    I love your use of color for all the definitions.
    Crimsom regret, white emotion, black hatred (I like that one), and so one.
    Very creative.

    And of course:

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.

    Its perfect, it pulls all the colors together for the perfect finale. :)
    Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, it was diffarant. But the one thing that stood out to me was the repatition of the line "I bleed" it got old quickly, and made me want to stop reading. And yet the use of colors with their emotion help my attention long enough to finish. But over all, it was good! Just perhaps find an alternative way of writeing "I bleed" on some lines.

    I bleed to live, live to bleed,
    Colors define my mood,
    My life portrait, misconstrued,
    A complicated rainbow indeed.

    Was my favorite stanza, this one worked well.

    I bleed crimson regret,
    From deep blue veins.
    Nothing good remains,
    Some things I long to forget

    Is the line that describes me the best btw. :) Good job,
    ~David~
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126669

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry