I Bleed by precious

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: I Bleed dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	precious_poetry
ASL Info:	19 F TN
Elite Ratio:	3.17 - 137/145/67
Words:	138

Class/Type:	Poetry/Me
Total Views:	646
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1015

Description:
Complicated as I may be, I can't write much better than I could when I was two... This isn't that good. But I would like to know what you think either way.

I Bleed

-------------------------------------------

I bleed crimson regret,
From deep blue veins.
Nothing good remains,
Some things I long to forget.

I bleed white emotion,
For the one I love so,
Unsure that he knows,
Feelings deeper than any ocean.

I bleed hatred, pure black,
Evil flows through me,
Satan couldn't out-do me,
For I have what he lacks.

I bleed purple apathy,
Indifference towards man,
Society can't forever stand,
Order, its eternal enemy.

I bleed thick, green envy,
Coveting those that smile,
Long to laugh for a while,
What is this we call felicity?

I bleed bright yellow, fear,
Doubts overwhelm and consume,
You're wrong if you assume,
I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

I bleed to live, live to bleed,
Colors define my mood,
My life portrait, misconstrued,
A complicated rainbow indeed.

Submitted on 2006-11-27 06:45:24 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I love this poem! I like how you mix in color and blood and bring them together! Very original! I like the flow and structure! This is going on my favorites!!

Ciao,

}i{Renae}i{
| Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
  I think its a good write. Very interesting. :)
Its kinda a choppy rhythm, but my fav. poems are the ones that rhymn so they usually have to flow perfectly. But other than that. Great.
I love this stanza:

I bleed bright yellow, fear,
Doubts overwhelm and consume,
You're wrong if you assume,
I'm as strong, and brave as I appear.

Because I feel that way alot too, I appear as strong as I can, the best I can, but never really am. :/

I love your use of color for all the definitions.
Crimsom regret, white emotion, black hatred (I like that one), and so one.
Very creative.

And of course:

I bleed to live, live to bleed,
Colors define my mood,
My life portrait, misconstrued,
A complicated rainbow indeed.

Its perfect, it pulls all the colors together for the perfect finale. :)
Great write.
| Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it, it was diffarant. But the one thing that stood out to me was the repatition of the line "I bleed" it got old quickly, and made me want to stop reading. And yet the use of colors with their emotion help my attention long enough to finish. But over all, it was good! Just perhaps find an alternative way of writeing "I bleed" on some lines.

I bleed to live, live to bleed,
Colors define my mood,
My life portrait, misconstrued,
A complicated rainbow indeed.

Was my favorite stanza, this one worked well.

I bleed crimson regret,
From deep blue veins.
Nothing good remains,
Some things I long to forget

Is the line that describes me the best btw. :) Good job,
~David~
| Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

126669

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
This written by Chelebel
untitled written by Chelebel
Stretto written by saartha
In My Head written by faideddarkness
Commencement written by Ramneet
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
The First Time written by Wolfwatching
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
Cage written by distortedcloud
Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
In the end written by Janesaddiction
On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
Date night written by expiring_touch
On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
Genesis written by saartha

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.