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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Banishment of Hopedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 392
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 507
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2444



    Description:
       needs a lot of formatting and grammar help...written in 20 min.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBanishment of Hopedots
    -------------------------------------------


    what does one do
    when the vision of hope
    has become impaired
    by the exruciating pain of the heart?
    where do dreams, aspirations,
    and passions go
    when they are expelled?
    the loss of a dream is the loss of a soul.

    in the loss of love, in the destruction
    of my spirit i realized
    how much i truly did love you.
    i stood in the gap for you.
    i lifted your hands in prayer.
    with indomitable furiosity
    did i defend your honor.

    i would strut on my steed before you,
    so that you would think me brash
    but, i wasn't arrogant, i was cavalier,
    yea, i was your knight in armour
    and i was jesting for your glance.
    i was enamored with you
    to the depths of my soul.

    when your gaze would fall upon me
    it was as if the sun
    with her paradoxical flames
    were smiling upon me
    with flames of delicacy and vulgarity;
    i felt those flames and they gave me life.

    if i was brilliant it was because of you.
    if i was comedic it was for the sole purpose
    of hearing your laughter.
    i can even now hear the symphony
    that is your laughter echo
    as a mellifluous melody
    within the depths of my now void being.
    albeit, sadly, it is muffled by my sobs.

    "in love, if love be love, if love be ours,
    faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers...
    it is the little rift within the lute,
    that by and by will make the music mute,
    and ever widening slowly silence all."

    if i was anything, it was for you.
    for the joy of having known
    that i have made you proud.
    that i was yours
    and that i was all you wanted,
    all you could have ever desired,
    all that you could have kept.

    my wit was spun from our union,
    spun as gloriously as a spider
    spins its web for the birthing of its young.
    it was strong, and yet, it was as pure silk.
    how i loved to clothe you in it.

    you have always
    wanted poetry from me my love,
    well, here is your poem.
    in perpetual silence
    may you rest in peace.
    your blazing knight
    john-paul


    p.s. the words that are in quote are tennysons words.





    Submitted on 2006-11-27 19:28:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      what does one do
    when the vision of hope
    has become impaired
    by the exruciating pain of the heart?
    where do dreams, aspirations,
    and passions go
    when they are expelled?
    the loss of a dream is the loss of a soul.

    in the loss of love, in the destruction
    of my spirit i realized
    how much i truly did love you.
    i stood in the gap for you.
    i lifted your hands in prayer.
    with indomitable furiosity
    did i defend your honor.

    i would strut on my steed(?) before you,
    so that you would think me brash
    but, i wasn't arrogant, i was cavalier,
    yea, i was your knight in armour
    and i was jesting for your glance.
    i was enamored with you
    to the depths of my soul.

    when your gaze would fall upon me
    it was as if the sun
    with her paradoxical flames
    were smiling upon me
    with flames of delicacy and vulgarity;
    i felt those flames and they gave me life.

    if i was brilliant it was because of you.
    if i was comedic it was for the sole purpose
    of hearing your laughter.
    i can even now hear the symphony
    that is your laughter echo
    as a mellifluous melody
    within the depths of my now void being.
    albeit, sadly, it is muffled by my sobs.

    "in love, if love be love, if love be ours,
    faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers...
    it is the little rift within the lute,
    that by and by will make the music mute,
    and ever widening slowly silence all."

    if i was anything, it was for you.
    for the joy of having known
    that i have made you proud.
    that i was yours
    and that i was all you wanted,
    all you could have ever desired,
    all that you could have kept.

    my wit was spun from our union,
    spun as gloriously as a spider
    spins its web for the birthing of its young.
    it was strong, and yet, it was as pure silk.
    how i loved to clothe you in it.

    you have always
    wanted poetry from me my love,
    well, here is your poem.
    in perpetual silence
    may you rest in peace.
    your blazing knight
    john-paul



    Ok, good Reverend, I have attempted to format this huge block of text into something a little easier to read as I tweaked the lineation and repetition. The majority of the write was left intact because it probably can't be improved on without destroying the work as a whole.

    Your Dulcinea certainly does inspire.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful, romance and tragedy, or at least death.
    stunning write.

    if i was comedic it was for the sole purpose
    of hearing your laughter.
    you know, i can even now,
    hear the symphony that is your laughter echo
    as a mellifluous melody
    within the depths of my now void being.
    albeit, sadly, it is muffled by my sobs.

    this is my fav part, it's so sad yet beautiful.
    loved it!
    michelle
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126725

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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