lie by supergirl_in

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Submission Name: lie dots

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Author:	supergirl_in_oh
Elite Ratio:	1.67 - 29/122/52
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	147
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	456

Description:

lie

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Behind this smile,behind this laugh
If you only knew the other half

Its all fake,its all a lie
The only REAL thing I do is cry

Its cuz of you that I cry
but your unaware and ask me why (I look so sad)

I tell you some lame excuse
Like, " I got gum stuck on my shoe."

But thats a lie and i'm one too
Because I'll never tell you (the truth)

Submitted on 2006-11-27 19:40:22 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
It may have been shot and simple, but it was sweet too...in a very un-sweet way. One part I didn't like was when you said,

"I tell you some lame excuse
Like, " I got gum stuck on my shoe.""

I'm not sure if you were trying to demonstrate how lame the excuse was by that line, but it just threw off the whole feel of the poem and added this "woe is me" emo feel to it, and I didn't like it....(only emos cry over gum on their shoes Helena)
However, please don't think I'm trashing your poem, I did like the end, when you mentioned that you were a lie...it gave this secret sense of resentment and mystery to the speaker's life. It makes me think that the person is hiding something from everyone else, and at the same time, hiding it from their own selves because they simply don't want to face it.
I don't understand though why you put 'the truth' in parenthesis...that was another big throw off for me.
Other than the few problems that I noticed, at least for me, in here, puntuation, grammar, and spelling seem to be okay, and it was a very nice poem. Hoping to read more...

*tox*
| Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
I Really Like THis One Its Simple But It Has ALot Of Meaning Keep It up
xXx *Mwah*
| Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by AngelinDisguise | [ Reply to This ]

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