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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I hate dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: supergirl_in_oh
    Elite Ratio:    1.67 - 29/122/52
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 573



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI hate dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hate dreams
    They don't come true
    I know since I'm not with you

    I hate dreams
    They're all a lie
    If they weren't, l wouldn't cry


    I hate dreams
    They're just so dim
    They tell me I have everything
    But I don't and never will
    I believe that that dreams can kill


    Dreams are nightmares in disguise
    Covering up with so much lies
    The words I said
    The tears I shed
    I hate dreams
    I feel so dead




    Submitted on 2006-11-27 19:44:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Everything was pretty good here until the very liast line..."I feel dead".
    It gave this childish feel to it throughout the poem until that line, and that just made it overly sulkly. The childish feel was working so well, it was as if I was reading a poem written from the diary of a little girl who is poor or in the Jewish Ghetto's during WW2 in Nazi Germany. The second one would be a great subject to base this on, sis...and it was actually reminding me of that, until the whole I feel dead thing got thrown in there and I just feel off the imagery boat.
    My only suggestion in this would be to go back and check for another word that rhymes with shed, that adds a far stronger ending to it that makes the reader go "oh my god...I would have never thought this poem was about that"...if you can't find a rhyme, add on to it, slightly long poems never hurt anyone as long as they're worth reading.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate dreams too. but the funny thing is i still hold on to em. luvly poem.
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this poem. Its awsome!
    Yeahh dreams suck. its just a wish u know.
    wish desire dream.

    sweet write yo.
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by Uthmaan | [ Reply to This ]
      nice poem, i like the way you ended it, seem so hopeless though, so sad
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by Kasper187 | [ Reply to This ]



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