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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Child's Prayerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cupajoe0
    ASL Info:    14/Male/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 11/15/5
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1096



    Description:
       This is yet another peice about the misfortunes of a young child who diserves nothing of what has befallen on him. There are many kids out in the world just like James, who have been wraught apon by something whorible and are shunned for it every day. But why shun them? its not they're fault. Thay didnt take unstaril drugs with a needle and i dont know about you, but ive never seen a gay child who has been sexually active with other children.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Child's Prayerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was late one night
    After a long day
    James knelt by his bed,
    And clasped hi hands to pray

    He opened his mouth
    And muttered his words
    With speed of a sloth
    And volume of birds

    He said ďhi God, its me,
    Your son James from down here.
    I hope youíre not busy,
    But I need something clear

    Mommyís real upset
    And I donít know why
    She said its her fault
    And started to cry

    Then she said something
    I donít understand
    She said I have something
    But thereís nothing in my hand

    Then daddy spoke up
    And said a weird world
    He said something new
    That I never had heard

    He didnít just say it
    But spelled it out instead
    And right when I heard it
    I scurried up to bed

    I donít know what it means,
    But Iím scared, cant you see?
    Oh dear lord in heaven
    What is HIV?




    Submitted on 2006-11-28 15:33:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow that was very good. i thought it flowed nicely, and was just great, wow im so speachless i have no idea what to say
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Man that was an excellent work and I am very impressed with this poem the way you saved the letters HIV till the end was very well done and thought out great job.

    much LOVE ( and tell me what you think of my work)

    much LOVE
    JAmes
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      Josh
    This is a strong write where you speak Great truth
    There are many children who say these same words time and time again as a child
    I disagree strongly with Aurora
    I think you made it perfectly clear from your description that it is the poor defenseless and innocent child that has HIV
    This is so sad
    I for one will never understand how someone can abuse an innocent child and then take gratification from that
    My Heart goes out to this child
    You can be assured I pray every night for children who are in these same shoes
    If this is a True story I know as a fact God is with this child helping him move forward in Life
    It is so sad that man made negativity can create so many monsters
    May God Bless you Josh
    You also have a gift in your writing
    I can tell you have a strong Heart only wanting those who have been hurt to know there is someone who cares
    I too care I promise you that
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally, I just think it's too...simple. Like, I wasn't sure if it was the mom or the child that had HIV. Not to mention, tons of typos. I would go back and edit if I were you.

    Reciprocity is my policy, so please comment back on one of my works. Thank you! =]
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]
      wow....what I found most interesting was not in the poem but insted in the description, WHY did the child have to be gay just because he had HIV what kind of reference was that....lol....that just defeated the whole purpose of your poem and makes everything you said a contradiction of character....14 must be really younge for you

    llcollins
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      this feels more like something you find in an email chain than something orginal. these types of poems are way too overdone. they are cookie cutter poems that somebody just takes a template and slaps some words in about some atrocity going on in the world today. and i must agree with L.L.COLLINS that you made a contradiction of the entire good intent of the poem by making the gay reference. there was no place in that poem that made any reference to homosexuality. you still have some growing up to do, kid. and for one last piece of advice, invest in a spell checker.
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]


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