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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: faith hope and lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie smith
    ASL Info:    20/f
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 75/61/24
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       hey yall
    i know this isnt how i usually write. dont worry there will be more of the others. just give me feedback on whats here and new> hope you like my different style


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfaith hope and lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    come to me
    come into the light
    into the sun
    i am your light

    i can not come
    the darkness surrounds me
    i am a host for it
    ive been here to long
    i cant go back
    the sun will brun me
    the light will blind me

    i will protect you
    have no fear
    i willl shield you
    i am your armor

    nothing will help
    im inprisioned by the darkness
    its derry cell
    i have no faith
    my hope has run dry
    theres nothing left to do

    i will never give up
    you are my love
    i wil bring the light to you
    i will bath you in the heat

    i have no point
    my will is gone
    but please dont leave
    you are my silver lining
    you are my hope
    your my faith
    your my love
    my life




    Submitted on 2006-11-28 16:29:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Now this is what I like in a poem, heheh, a little bit of compassion and darkness at the same time. Its very... grasping. Hope to hear more like this one, it was a great read, Shadow
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by Shadow24968 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece, very intriguing and well expressed, the meter was up and you managed to keep the reader interested, while reading it, very emotional, sad and was very in depth going, it was very powerful, I liked it very much.

    I liked how you put yourself in the darkness, afraid to go into the light, I liked the imagery, it had a certain forced playful intended ring to it,

    There was alittle break in flow in some areas,

    "its derry cell
    i have no faith
    my hope has run dry
    theres nothing left to do"

    Oksy here you say u have given up on hope, and is crawling in the dark, and have given up trying to stand up or something.

    "i will never give up
    you are my love
    i wil bring the light to you
    i will bath you in the heat"

    But here you say that you will never give up.
    Is that a sign to sudden new courage.

    "i have no point
    my will is gone
    but please dont leave
    you are my silver lining
    you are my hope
    your my faith
    your my love
    my life"

    I liked the ending, very well written, and loved the twist of this,. like this "love" isnt there, then is, and is about to leave again.

    Its was a very intriguin read with very lovely images, and was very sad in the same time..

    Keep it up.

    We be in touch,,



    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      Its preatty good very well written I guess devoted longing I dont know but its ok, ty
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by AngelinDisguise | [ Reply to This ]


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