Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartbeat and A Dying Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1048



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartbeat and A Dying Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Will you wait for me?"

    A wind tunnel laced with black-tipped rose petals
    strikes me and snatches the air from my lungs.
    I would wait until time corodes my body whole.

    "I might fade away by then."

    The neon handwriting on the wall flutters away
    before I could finish reading it.
    I could only see the beginning and end.

    "You won't."

    She says it with such confidence.
    A goddess.
    A saint.
    A prophet.
    A liar.

    "I just am!"

    Weave words that comfort me.
    Cover me in that plastic warmth.

    "No, you're not."

    Air blades rip off that blanket of lies from me
    and I'm blown away to nothingness.

    "Will you remember me?"

    A single petal flutters down before my eyes
    and I'm left with nothing else to say but...

    "...no."




    Submitted on 2006-11-28 20:03:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is excellent. A bit confusing the first time around, and chock full of deep meanings. Is it about death? Death of someone who is talking to his love before he dies?
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126831

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Bond written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    This written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry