Description: my friend committed suicide at age 16. I saw him that same day and noticed he was upset, but he just left. Its hard to write anything much longer than this. i know its too short.
He Never Grew Old -------------------------------------------
The words in my mind
are made into rhymes
in the time that it takes
for a blink of an eye.
And as the seconds go by,
the clock ticks away
and the time has come:
death has arrived.
Time sure does fly
when you're saying goodbye
to someone too young
to give up their life.
i like it, but what something doesnt feel right about it. like, is it meaning that death is cruel, that you enjoy saying goodbye and thats why time flies, or that young people shouldnt have to die. in one sentence, i guess the question nagging me is "what is the message you are trying to give out by it?" it is a good piece, but the message behind poetry isnt coming out in the words.
this piece was very nice. i loved the flow and the rhyme as well.
it is true, time is cruel. death is cruel. especially to someone too young to have experienced the joys of what life might have in store such as loving and being loved... i guess it just shows that we should enjoy every moment of our lives and not waste what time is entrusted to us.
Great flow, I'm not usually into short writes but this was to the point, still had a clear message and was excellently put so I didn't really mind. It's sad but even when it isn't "too soon" I think that it would always feel that way.....we never want to be forced to say goodbye like that, and while I readily welcome my own death, anyone else's really saddens me; i guess part of that is just 'human nature'. another nice write, take care, ~jess
flow is excellent and so is the rhyme... i love the story and the moral... time is so unkind and goes by way too fast for us to appreciate the good things in life but maybe wed have more time to do that if we didnt [censored] and complain about the bad ones... Katana
Submission Name: He Never Grew Old
