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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Im the Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: itsjustme22
    ASL Info:    19/f/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 237/114/38
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 164
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632



    Description:
       I could have done better.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIm the Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    im dead.
    im alive.
    im focused,
    but distracted.

    coulda, shoulda, woulda

    But you didn't.

    IM the one who stood up
    IM the one who put up
    with this bullshit

    It's my turn to put my feet up-
    kick back and watch the world
    become unstuck
    from the place its so fond of;
    from the place with an influence
    so strong:
    it'd take someone like me
    to stand up and say something
    or someone like you
    to do something.

    DON'T let it just happen.




    Submitted on 2006-11-29 19:31:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I do have a feeling that this poem could've been summed up with the last line, that's always sad, because then the rest of the content diminishes, and becomes almost part of the random thoughts that come to mind when reading a work such as this.
    Short lines, the rhythm doesn't speed up though, meaning it was most probably intentional. Some lines are half-lines, with the next line completing them, an interesting but not unheard of choice of structure.
    I agree with the other two, this seems a very I-can-relate-to-it poem.
    Well, that's my two cent's worth.
    Cheers, happy new year
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-12-30 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      regret that you didnt do something when you had the chance to help another person perhaps? dont we all feel that way in one point in our lives and thats what makes this poem good...
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      A meditation...I think, perhaps, a lover's lament...ah, when love goes South! Lines short and crisp work here wonderfully well, indeed...a kind of I'm-not-gonna-take-it-anymore and a pull up your-own-boot-straps poem as well...bravo...bravo...
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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