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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a boy and a girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: supergirl_in_oh
    Elite Ratio:    1.67 - 29/122/52
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 127
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2025



    Description:
       a bit cliché


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa boy and a girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    A boy and a girl,
    the best of friends.
    From elementary to high school
    from beginning to end.

    Through all those years
    their friendship grew.
    They both felt the same,
    but neither knew.

    Each waking moment
    since the day they met.
    They both loved each other
    sunrise to sunset.

    He was all she had
    in her terrible life.
    He was the one
    who kept her from her knife.

    She was his angel,
    she made him smile.
    Though life threw him curves,
    she made it all worth while.

    Then one day
    things went terribly wrong.
    The next few weeks
    were like a very sad song.

    He made her jealous
    on purpose he tried.
    When the girl asked, "Do you love her?"
    on purpose he lied.

    He played with jealousy
    like it was a game.
    Little did he know
    Things would never be the same.

    His plan was working
    but he had no clue.
    How wrong things would go,
    the damage he would do.

    One night she broke down,
    feeling very alone.
    Just her and the blade,
    no one else home.

    She dialed his number,
    he answered, "Hello"
    She told him she loved him
    and hung up the phone.

    He raced to her house
    just a minute too late.
    Found her lying in blood,
    her heart had no rate.

    Beside her was a note,
    in it her confession.
    Her love for this boy,
    her only obsession.

    As he read the note,
    he knelt down and cried.
    Grabbed her knife,
    that night they both died.

    She was found in his arms,
    both of them dead.
    Under her note
    his handwriting said:

    "I loved her so,
    she never knew.
    All this time
    I loved her too."




    Submitted on 2006-11-30 06:24:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautifully penned! So tragic and so sad, but a most marvelous and powerful love story! Well done!
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Even though I've seen this on several myspace bulletins's it reminds me a bit of my own life in so many ways that I'd rather not talk about...even though I'm still alive, rejection cuts as if I still did. That could be some kind of symbolism in here, Rejection cuts...when the girl was rejected, she cut herself. I didn't like it that the boy killed himself too, I would rather have had him suffer with his own depression at what he'd done to her life and emotions that caused it to end.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree- this is very fast paced, and makes it seem like it is a short little story. It is very sad and emotional.

    good write.

    ps: i like those lines too:

    "He played with jealously
    Like it was a game."
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very fast-paced with excellent meter...the rhyme is also very good indeed...hard put to make suggestions...perhaps the only way to improve it--though it really does not need improving--would be to go back over the poem and see to it that every line had the same number of syllables, 5 or 6 syllables to the line would be perfect...bravo...bravo...bravo...Michael
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      oh. wow. that was great... and it was almost Romeo and Juliet! like girl bassist said... the rythm of this was perfect... and i loved haw it all flowed together very nicely!
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Kaygrl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad.
    Almost Romeo and Juliet like.
    And pretty emo.
    But I like this and I'm adding this to fave.
    The only stanza that seemed to not flow smoothly was:
    "He played with jealously
    Like it was a game.
    Little did he know
    things would never be the same."

    But I still like this.
    Saving.
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by xgirlxbassistx | [ Reply to This ]



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