A statue of Ishtar

Author: Static Scream ASL Info:    17/m/Russian(in Mid East) Elite Ratio:    6.81 - 14 /6 /10 Words: 106

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1029 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 685

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A statue of Ishtar

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A statue stands among the sands And ancient words on it convey Old tales. People, born of ancient lands, Came here, walked through night and day To gaze upon the morning sunrise The one they called a shining star To see her was their greatest prize A statue of Ishtar For many years, on holy ground She stood, a blessing for their eyes And storms would pass this place around And droughts would wither in demise And now, in sands, it stands forgotten Washed by the desert winds of day And yet at night, a light begotten By her, shines dismally away

Submitted on 2006-11-30 06:40:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I have never read a mythology poem before...but I'm stepping out side my poetry comfort zone and checking out something different...this is very interesting...there is a lot of detail in this poetry and I like that...I also enjoyed the message of needing to remember the past...It was sort of subtle for me...but it was still there...Like I've told so many before...it's nice to see something different because I believe poetry can be whatever you want it to be...And it doesn't have to be perfect in any way shape or form...it should just be whatever flows out of you, at the moment you write it...no redos...no rewrites...no bull[censored]...to me great poetry is only perfect when it has flaws...kisses~Ashley~

| Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]

Again, wistful and dream like -- (makes me think of Shelley's "Ozimandius", one of my favorites) some really fine poetry here, excellent ... the last stanza is extremely potent! Bravo ... Bravo ... Bravo ... Michael

| Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

Again, mythology, my favourite motif. i think that by this time you truly deserve to be stalked properly. I yearn for writes such as these and you seem to be quenching the thirst fairly well. The imagery is astounding and longful. I love this.

| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]

There is something very nice that you capture in this poem, an atmosphere, a sense of wonder, and nostalgia. I like the fact that you use regular meter and rhyme, and in general it works well. Let me just tell you the places where I slip, or lose the rhythm. Maybe they are the ones you can look at further. A statue stands among the sands And ancient words on it convey Old tales, people, born of ancient lands Don't you want a full stop after "Old tales" and a capital on "People"? A comma after "lands", or else, drop the comma between "people" and "born"? I think this would make the reading much clearer, if that corresponds to your intent Came here, walked through night and day I can get this line as tetrameter, but not easily, on first and second reading, it came out awkward. To gaze upon the morning sunrise The one they called a shining star To see her was their greatest prize A statue of Ishtar For many years, on holy ground She stood, a blessing for their eyes And storms would pass this place around And droughts would cease to show their face I think this last line here could be improved, the second half seems a bit weaker. And now, in sands, it stands forgotten Washed by the desert winds of day And yet at night, a light begotten By her, shines dismally away This last stanza is especially nice. As sands shall shift, shall we forget The beauty that had once stood here And into crevasses of regret Our thoughts shall trail like a river I think you need to rework the last two lines. They are weaker than the rest, and they should be stronger, the end of a poem is crucial to making the whole thing work. Thanks for sharing a nice poem, PH

| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]

Simply beautiful and it portrays the passing of time and the things that we forget. Katana

| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]

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