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It Is What It Is.

Author: Lisa-Marie
ASL Info:    39/Female/Australia
Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 39 /38 /12
Words: 386
Class/Type: Prose /Betrayal
Total Views: 944
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2445


A rememberance of a time in my life that significantly changed me at first in a bad way and then in a good.
Throughout my work you will see many references to my grandma and to the phrase "the sun in my face and the wind in my hair"...
My grandma was a very significant person in my life even if only for a short time, the most valuable thing I have from her is her memory. I have drawn upon her memories at the most darkest points in my life.
"the sun in my face and the wind in hair" is also significant because it was the first thing I ever "really felt" at the age of 31. Between the ages of 4 and 31 I was a completely numb person. My grandma died when I was 4 until that time she had raised me.
I had been on a very self destructive path most of my life...this is a tribute to my survival.

It Is What It Is.

It is what it is…
He said to me
And then he left
He left me to pick up the pieces
Of a now forgotten life…

I looked in the mirror
And I tried to find me.
Me…I was there somewhere…
Amidst the blackened eyes and sallow skin
Amidst the craving for my addiction
A burning feeling seeping deep within.

I never knew what his drug would do.
How close it had brought me to death…
In his own hands.
The hands that were supposed to love me…
Those same hands around my neck…
Squeezing the breath from my body…
The life from my soul.

A tear rolled down my cheek…
As I tried to remember.
I tried to remember
A dream I once had…
A dream of a lover, protector and friend
All rolled into one.
I brushed the tear from my cheek…
Licking it from my lip…
Tasting the blood…
Mixed with my sadness and fear.

I had to let go…
I had to move on.
Half remembered dreams
Were for dreamers…
And no longer could I afford myself
The illusion of his love.
It is what it is…
I repeated in my head.

There was no safe harbour…
No place left to go…
Except within.
To that place inside me…
That place of silence and resolve…
A place where I could still feel
The sun on my face
And the wind in my hair.
It was a place he couldn’t take away
A retreat from the world.

So I took my injured soul there
And for a time I roamed free
Amongst the stories and the memories
My grandma gave me.
And then when I was ready…
I took a deep breath
And returned…now stronger,
To a life once filled with dread.
I gave birth to my pain.
The pain I had numbed myself from.
After all…
It is what it is…
Just pain.
And once the pain had a form…
I could name it…
I found once named it was gone.

I look to a new horizon now
And I still have my dream.
My heart has been shaped by every sorrow
And by every joy.

It is what it is…
A story.
I am what I am…
Just me.

Submitted on 2006-11-30 12:43:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  hey this was very good it hits i think every person that has had these circumstances in their life

you put the emotion together very well
great write and good reading as i remember my time like this and look where i am now

| Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  Lucid and nearly lyric--very unusual for free verse--poignant in the extreme and so very well and deftly done...the reader becomes completely absorbed in the narritive...loved it...absolutely loved it...Bravo...Bravo...Bravo...heady stuff, indeed!! Michael
| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the deepness of this poem. It really touches me. It just takes time for wounds to finally heal, a fact that I know all to well. :(
Thanks for the lovely read,
| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]

What a beautiful, compelling, and heart wrenching write this is. And yet, your resolve, grit and determination shines through.

Life can very often be a never ending tunnel, where the light never seems to get any nearer. Sounds like your tunnel is coming to an end, and the light will soon greet you.

A wonderfull write from you.

| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

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