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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swallowed in Shadowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: oixi
    ASL Info:    50/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 196/243/100
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 691
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 856



    Description:
       I wrote this poem for a photograh of a person staring sadly through a window.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwallowed in Shadowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Darkly through the window peering.
    Winsome choked by black refrain.
    Shadowed sadness stoically searing,
    Depression wrought by clouded brain.

    Dead staring whilst to die inside.
    Unlit candle to light one’s way,
    Starfish silently sighs on side,
    To add to gloom of dismal day.

    In the window watching sadly,
    Burdened thoughts in skies of gray.
    Tortured lonely—driven madly,
    For respite meekly thou dost pray.

    Shall the gloominess be brightened?
    Will the spirit transcend the dark?
    Wish for humor to be heightened,
    And spike thy cheer like a lively spark.

    Smothering gloom, go away.
    Come again some other day.

    Let me smile in the sunshine bright.
    Send the blackness into the night.




    Submitted on 2006-11-30 16:16:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i loved the rhyme scheme here. it is oh so fun to read. i should try it sometime. great poem by the way.
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very good...i pictured myself a few months ago..and i cried...thought i was the only one that felt this way or even shown my emotions through my eyes alone...you did very well on this and to the person it is about i hope they aren't sad much longer...*martha
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Martha McEntire | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. This has a very antiquated tone to it. Or better yet a nostalgic aura to it. I could picture this in my mind, what the photo might have looked like. Dreary, drab, maybe a black and white, from ages ago
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Ratmeat | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutely exquisite!!! truly a fantastic write. you really articulate forlornness well. the image of someone staring listless through a lonesome window was painted within my mind by your lovely words.

    Darkly through the window peering.
    Winsome choked by black refrain.
    Shadowed sadness stoically searing,
    Depression wrought by clouded brain.

    powerful use of imagery here. many people do not understand how painful depression can be. it can literally take your life from you.

    Dead staring whilst to die inside.
    Unlit candle to light one’s way,
    Starfish silently sighs on side,
    To add to gloom of dismal day.

    of course, what depressed person does not think of the ultimate (so they think) escape of suicide. thinking all of their problems will come to an end. somehow, i think all that action they may really begin.

    Let me smile in the sunshine bright.
    Send the blackness into the night.

    i love how this person becomes heroic in the end. they are not going gentle into the night...they are fighting back, resisting the funk.
    very well written i look forward to reading your other stuff.

    john-paul
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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