Sydra by Porcelaine

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Submission Name: Sydra dots

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Author:	Porcelaine
ASL Info:	22/F/Croatia
Elite Ratio:	3.9 - 872/686/249
Words:	146

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	178
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	943

Description:
Here goes a third one. I promise to explain all five of these when the fifth one is done.

Sydra

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In the hunger of the night
You wake to spread your blight
And the crescent tame of moonlight finds you life unworthy

I know your thirsty blood insane
Same of smell my body reign
Masacrilic as it was the wretched gift of birth

Thousand winds to sing unmaking
There within me beast awaking
Ridding you of warmth of home, baring ‘neath the sky

Mad as you deny me pray
Streaming through the woods of stray
Tripping ‘neath the tongue of burning arrowfly translucent

Hunt is merely such a game
Out to see a monster tame
Ending as your eyes grow wide, pierce of ire assunder

Strings of archer ‘gainst the kin
Paid in blood, a sin for sin
Mere an apple withered falls, torn corrupt off family tree

Beauty lies therein the fallen

Submitted on 2006-12-01 01:38:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This poem reminds me almost of a werewolf-why? Because of the crazed, bloodthirsty feel as well as with the moon, that it gives off! Is English your second language? I figured it maybe since you are from Croatia-and if so, you write better than so many with English as their first language.

Random error correction: ' finds you life unworthy'
It should be 'your'.

Also, 'Mere an apple withered falls' sounds a bit odd with the mere. You could say "A mere apple.' which doesn't make much more sense or sound good..perhaps 'A single apple' would be better.

Otherwise, it's a very steady and consistent poem that gives a dark atmosphere yet a clear message. Great job.
| Posted on 2007-01-08 00:00:00 | by iroti | [ Reply to This ]
  Arcane, yes ... but this IS very nicely done! It moves along in an unusual, but splendid fashion, full of the Porcelaine penchant for creating words, turning adjectives to nouns or verbs, etc., wonderful! bravo!! ... bravo!! ... bravo!!!
| Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm. Your flow is a little shaky on this one, the second line of the first stanza upsets the read of that a little.
Anyway, I'm quite fascinated to know that you'll be "revealing" the meaning behind all when you're done. Haha, well I don't think the Monster is going to finish anytime soon (though I am halfway through Ultima). Beh I'd just let people figure out the hidden meaning all by themselves.
Cheers
Azuire
| Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a timeless write and I think you are doing a beautiful job on the whole thing! Can't wait untill you finish it so we can know what its all about. I love what you have so far!!!
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]

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