Description: if you read this one please read the original let me know which one you like better
I GOTTA FLY AWAY (repost) -------------------------------------------
Because you have never loved me
Or even treated me right,
And I’ll be waiting for you to change
For the rest of my life.
Hurting here; deserted here
Holding on to your lifeless
Hoping tomorrow’s tomorrow
Won’t be like this.
Beyond feigned love
There’s nothing left of us
Nothing on the shelf
But dirt and dust
Only If I could pull hope
Down from the sky
But this close to the ground
The clouds would die.
I can’t be satisfied
With your twisted lies
If you really loved me
You’d let me shine.
Instead the darkness
Beholds my cry
A small place I die
Like a slaved butterfly
Heavier when I step
Almost out of breath
Dragging behind the line
Of your more important self.
Now I’m just a pile of feathers
Until I hit the breeze
I can’t live at your feet
I need to breathe.
Gasping in your grasp
I rot and die
Here with you
Is indubitable suicide
Longing and wanting
Perishing on your side
Tortured in the sunshine
Imprisoned from the sky
To love me is to let me go
Even though it hurts you so,
To hate me is to chain me
Down by my soul.
So I gotta spread my wings
And I gotta be free
I can’t allow your travesty
To keep caging me.
I gotta fly away……..
Okay sorry, but I disagree with what your other two commentors have to say. This one was better. Your analogies, your metaphors, all were better.
And seriously, don't listen to other two. I will concede that yes, poetry is subjective and can fall under to multiple interpretations by different readers. But there's also a reason why not just anyone becomes famous as a writer. Because the people who are so stubborn that they feel that their work is supreme and totally unsubject to editing break their futures when they hit editors in the real world. Poetry is not anything and everything, because there is a difference between what a person feels and how they translate those feelings into the elevated art of poetry. If I took crayons to a paper, and ruthlessly scribbled nonsense, do you think I would get anywhere with that? I could insist again and again to prospective customers how eloquent my scribbles are, but how receptive do you think a person would be to that? Same with poetry. Feelings alone are totally separate from actual poetry.
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH ASHLEY, YOU SHOULD'VE STUCK WITH THE ORIGINAL, AFTERALL, IT WAS YOU, ALL THE REPOST IS IS CO-WRITTEN BY THAT READER. L.L. COLLINS WOULD NEVER....I'MMA NEED YOU TO FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY. LOL XOXOXO
This is good too...but I don't think anything was wrong with the first one...poetry, like I told her, can be anything you want it to be...it's not a perfect science, it's just raw human emotion, and humans...AREN"T PERFECT!!!! SO [censored] that...of course it's great but than again so was the original...kisses~Ashley~
Submission Name: I GOTTA FLY AWAY (repost)
