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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I GOTTA FLY AWAY (repost)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: L.L.COLLINS
    ASL Info:    25-ORLANDO, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 172/147/36
    Words: 235
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1511



    Description:
       if you read this one please read the original let me know which one you like better


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI GOTTA FLY AWAY (repost)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Because you have never loved me
    Or even treated me right,
    And I’ll be waiting for you to change
    For the rest of my life.
    Hurting here; deserted here
    Holding on to your lifeless
    Hoping tomorrow’s tomorrow
    Won’t be like this.
    Beyond feigned love
    There’s nothing left of us
    Nothing on the shelf
    But dirt and dust
    Only If I could pull hope
    Down from the sky
    But this close to the ground
    The clouds would die.
    I can’t be satisfied
    With your twisted lies
    If you really loved me
    You’d let me shine.
    Instead the darkness
    Beholds my cry
    A small place I die
    Like a slaved butterfly
    Heavier when I step
    Almost out of breath
    Dragging behind the line
    Of your more important self.
    Now I’m just a pile of feathers
    Until I hit the breeze
    I can’t live at your feet
    I need to breathe.
    Gasping in your grasp
    I rot and die
    Here with you
    Is indubitable suicide
    Longing and wanting
    Perishing on your side
    Tortured in the sunshine
    Imprisoned from the sky
    To love me is to let me go
    Even though it hurts you so,
    To hate me is to chain me
    Down by my soul.
    So I gotta spread my wings
    And I gotta be free
    I can’t allow your travesty
    To keep caging me.
    I gotta fly away……..






    Submitted on 2006-12-01 17:13:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay sorry, but I disagree with what your other two commentors have to say. This one was better. Your analogies, your metaphors, all were better.

    And seriously, don't listen to other two. I will concede that yes, poetry is subjective and can fall under to multiple interpretations by different readers. But there's also a reason why not just anyone becomes famous as a writer. Because the people who are so stubborn that they feel that their work is supreme and totally unsubject to editing break their futures when they hit editors in the real world. Poetry is not anything and everything, because there is a difference between what a person feels and how they translate those feelings into the elevated art of poetry. If I took crayons to a paper, and ruthlessly scribbled nonsense, do you think I would get anywhere with that? I could insist again and again to prospective customers how eloquent my scribbles are, but how receptive do you think a person would be to that? Same with poetry. Feelings alone are totally separate from actual poetry.
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]
      I TOTALLY AGREE WITH ASHLEY, YOU SHOULD'VE STUCK WITH THE ORIGINAL, AFTERALL, IT WAS YOU, ALL THE REPOST IS IS CO-WRITTEN BY THAT READER. L.L. COLLINS WOULD NEVER....I'MMA NEED YOU TO FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY. LOL XOXOXO
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by UNIQUEWOODS69 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good too...but I don't think anything was wrong with the first one...poetry, like I told her, can be anything you want it to be...it's not a perfect science, it's just raw human emotion, and humans...AREN"T PERFECT!!!! SO [censored] that...of course it's great but than again so was the original...kisses~Ashley~
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]


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