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    dots Submission Name: sonnet 451208dots

    Author: Leon Kennedy
    ASL Info:    15/m/La
    Elite Ratio:    2.78 - 51/75/22
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 684


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    dotssonnet 451208dots

    it feels like ice is flowing through my veins
    i think that ill soon feel deaths tender kiss
    pain makes me want to let go of life's reins
    so i'll forever float in the abyss

    now im searching for a panacea
    i need to live for a while more
    i want to see the alpha-omega
    but i fear ill be knocking at hells door

    ive wasted my time looking for a cure
    i pray that ill end up at heaven's gate
    but i think ill end up before hells door
    i will now put it in the hands of fate

    i have now felt deaths cold and tender kiss
    it seems fate has chosen eternal bliss

    Submitted on 2006-12-02 01:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm I think the third stanza is just echoing what you said in the second, its not exactly a new thought but a repeat of the previous. I think the last two lines could use some work maybe try

    "Now I've felt death's cold and tender kiss
    Fate has chosen for me, eternal bliss"

    or something, you know. Also I think it would help with some punctuations.

    Just a thought,

    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      that was real. the words and everything u put ur point of fear and hope across.
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]

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