the city appears in the distance
like the emerald city
the towers on public square scraping the sky.
traffic into town is always slow
the parking garage is always crowded
but once downtown the streets take on
a sort of magic of their own
the vitalness of city life
magic of turning a corner and
finding another world.
getting lost in the warehouse district
is the latest adventure
the towers of downtown ground me
so close all i have to do is follow
the ohio river choppy green-brown
i never new seagulls swim like ducks
circling the block mesmerized by
the building painted with zebra stripes
nightclubs construction roads closed
a realm mud-luscious and transformed.
Criticism/Consider Revising - first two lines both have the word "city." too close; uncomfortable. "sort of magic" is too vague. show don't tell. describe the magic with a concrete image. the words are magic are too close as well. "finding another world" is vague and cliché. "never new" should be "never knew." consider throwing some people in to this and not just the city itself. Is there anything negative about Cleveland? For me personally, if a poem is all positive, it lacks reality.
Praises: The last few lines were fluid and descriptive with good wording. I like the duck reference - different. i also liked the "mud-liscious." inventive.
Overall: I like poems about towns. This poem was not very descriptive and the language (except the ending) could stand improvement. I also don't quite get the meaning. It is obvious you approve of Cleveland but how? Why?
Feel free to rip some of mine. I wrote a poem about my hometown in Mississippi (Necaise City Limits) - I'm not saying mine is better, but it is certainly opposite of yours. I focused on people.
As a fellow Northern Ohioian, I can relate very well to this piece.
"The city appears in the distance, like the emerald city"
Driving in on I-90 from either east or west gives you that feeling. Not quite as large as the approach to Chicago...but still an awesome view. Most people from outside of Ohio have no idea what a great cultural center Cleveland, Ohio truly is. This was a nicely written discription of our fair city.
I have lived outside of the Buckeye State since 1994, but miss Ohio very much. Grew up in Amherst and worked downtown for eight years during the building boom...Jacobs Field - athletic complex, Society Building etc. Loved being downtown everyday. Moved to Chicago and have been living near Boston, MA since 2003.
Go back and visit family 2-3 times a year. We had our daughters wedding in downtown Cleveland this past August and had the reception at the Renaissance on the Square. It was a time that we will never forget.
i like your "PLUS SIGN " poem about the 216 you have a positive outlook on a city that didnt get a fair chance the poem was written good but i think you should change transformed into transforming ..
Submission Name: CLEVELAND STREETS
