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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Lettersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1569
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Lettersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Covered by the settled dust of time,
    misplaced in the depth
    of moments long forgotten,
    a plain old shoebox waits to be rediscovered,
    even if only for a brief encounter.

    It is here, where paper and ink together,
    hold onto an eternal promise
    of a love once precious, once real.
    Faded pages uncover feelings
    long since buried, under the weight
    of a relentlessly bleeding wound.

    Like falling snow sparks the mind
    to gaze in wonder at such beauty,
    it quickly turns to thoughts of
    the dirty, salted mess
    that lingers long after.




    Submitted on 2006-12-02 12:01:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lorna, really it's been quite a long time since I've read this kind of work. The thoughts are pretty much gathered, the expressions are clear and your choice of words are perfect. This work isn't just right in structure, it's also alive. How do you do that lorna? I must ask you to evolve this magic of giving life to a piece of art. Lorna, I really can't put a finger on what it is, but something seems to be out of place with the third stanza, perhaps the imagery you used is a bit less in strenght compared to the emotion in the preceeding stanzas, maybe. check it out. But, on the whole, you did good with this one, very good!
    | Posted on 2008-08-18 00:00:00 | by mrpriest | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, lovely write! it starts out so intrigueing, like looking back at an old love, or reading old notes from high school. but then its like your memory kicks in and reminds you that you're bitter. but still it waits for you to open it. and read those forgotten promises. interesting thoughts here. i liked it! but i will read it again, to see what i really think of it. so far, good news on your part. another great write!
    -steph
    | Posted on 2007-07-29 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      When reading this I find a lot of symbolism and found love letters to not just be the letters themselves in the box but the words that are said and what they represent and what they really end up meaning.

    Revisiting the memories and the words.

    Great!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that was beautiful lorna but your poetry always is so i shouldnt be surprised , i love the snow reference how very true , it is crisp white and beautiful but ends up salted mush , so sad eh is life.

    Elaine
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nausea
    The picture that is
    ouch
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by Andz | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a sad but perhaps true account of how many hearts and true loves may have been stored in many similar shoe-boxes around the world.
    How many times do we forgo the opportunity to completely fly and store that chance in a shoebox?
    I wonder if notes and love letters are really remembrances of the opportunities to fly free upon an aire of uncertainty of what might have been, we let slip away?

    These are my thoughts.
    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful, and heartretching. To relive that long ago love through words forever bound to paper.

    It takes bravery to do so. I couldn't, so I threw them all away. Now I wish I hadn't.

    I think this is a fav.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh, Memories!
    Don't you love reading old letters and cards from past, or present, loved ones....I sure do!
    You have the visuals down in this piece. "dust of time" "where paper and ink together" and "Faded pages uncover feelings" are wonderful phrases that captured my heart in every way.
    Love is a beautiful thing and no matter how it ends, I believe in remembering the wonders of love through romantic letters like you described in this piece. Fortunately for me, I have a few letters that make me feel great when reading them.
    Really nice piece.

    Mary Yesterday
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by Mary Yesterday | [ Reply to This ]
      Too true Lorna... too true... This is beautifully writen putting very sad pictures on my head... Love how you express yourself in words... You are an artist with a pen and a piece of paper letting yourself be expressed all over a canvas not with colors and shapes... but with words, rhyme, and flow. Weird how I read this today and today I found that shoebox of mine. Loved the end and how even though you remember all those times when you just felt so good, but after you think even more about how everything ended and faded away. Beautiful.

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2006-12-21 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Extremely well written Lorna. Bringing back so many memories of earlier times. Love fresh like newly fallen snow. Everlasting? No, what remains afterwards is indeed the slush, the mess, and the dirt. But to drift back for even a moment reminds us of how precious love is.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one!
    i am gonna guess that your name is....Lorna?
    nice to meet you!
    this one made me feel a bit awkward but i don't know why.....anyways, i like the whole detailing that thou hast put into it.
    the end was my favorite!
    | Posted on 2006-12-08 00:00:00 | by Thief | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Lorna,

    There is not much left to say that hasn't been said from the commentors before me. This poem sends me back to days long gone, when I used to write love letters to my wife while away at sea. I do like how you left it to the reader to visualize there own take on the poem.
    Love letters kept over the years and stored with care but put aside as if they were treasures that were important only when they were rediscovered by accident.
    It is amazing how those forgotten momentos bring us back to days long forgotten and open all those old wounds but at the same time allows us to see the past through different eyes. Loves lost and loves gained through words from the heart.

    Nicely done

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there Lorna. I loved this poem and certainly related to it.I have always been a sentimental type, and recall going over everyone of the 5 years of letters I had saved from for my ex—and the ones I had sent to him (he wasn;t sentimental, just a lousy housekeeper lol)Our 23 marriage was over, but reading them reminded me that there were good years, and that when love leaves, you are still better off for having it in your life, no matter how briefly.

    When I cleaned out my Mom’s house last spring, --there were all the letters I had ever written her and Dad, as well as her first (2nd, 3rd----5th) “Brag Book, birth announcements, greeting cards from me and all my kids,--letters my grown children had written,--obituary clippings in a teapot, -so many things,--yet I think more of the tears I shed were not from grief and loss, they were for joy—at having had such beautiful woman in my life, and knowing how much she loved my kids and the 9 great-grands she had never met. We did have a late unseasonable snowfall, and I felt the awe and that timeless beauty, and it was comfort to me. The next afternoon I trekked downtown and the grimy grey slush, the crusty crud heaped by snowploughs, and the forlorn stained patches scattered on the lawns like dirty laundry made me very depressed. There is that sad grey time between winter and spring, and reading old love letters is like that.

    I liked that you didn’t tell the story,--who might open the box, and when—but let the reader weave their own thoughts and experiences through your metaphor.I have no suggestions really, except perhaps the description of the snow as the ” the dirty, salted mess” Compared to the evocative wording of all the rest, these words seem lacking a little in effect, --but that’s really nitpicking, I really liked the poem overall.

    Thanks
    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, absolutely beautiful! Great metaphors, a love story, reminiscense, all formed into a short and concise picture, and a powerful poem. "Plain old shoebox," "faded pages," "beauty" turned to "mess," as the stages of a relationship unfold. Definitely a FAV.

    Some suggestions:

    S1 - I think it should be "depths of moments" or the one I prefer "depth of a moment."

    S3 - Make "mind" the subject,"Like a mind is sparked by falling snow."

    A terrific poem. It is loaded with a nostalgic look back at an old love, one precious enough to have saved "memories." You have given us the picture in our minds of one remembering the sweeter instances, but then coming back to reality. Just loved it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Love letters to me represent feelings of the past written on a piece of paper. I have so many of those from my b/f that i don't even know where to put some. But i do know that whenever i read one, i remember exactly how i got it and everything that was around me around that time.
    Whenever things are not so well between me and my b/f, i can always read those love letters and remember that i had better days.
    I love your first line the most:
    "Covered by the settled dust of time,"
    and i also love the shoebox waiting to be rediscovered. I think it's so true. You just have those letters in the box and it's just there waiting to be opened again.
    Well, as always, your work is always a pleasure to read. hope everything is good by the seaside.
    Take care....
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful, Lorna, and I like the snow metaphor! Some remarkable love affairs can include "the good, the bad, and the ugly"! Too bad life can't include the fresh mown, fragrant hay without having to throw in the hayfever!!!!
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Letters of love always have, and always will stir the emotions of love long ago.

    You captured this sentiment perfectly. Form, structure and the words you chose are just about perfect.

    Nothing less expected from you.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna
    This is simply Beautiful
    This is the Vision this write created in my mind
    On a cold December morning an old woman goes to her room and behind some faded blouses she finds an olde shoe box from many many years ago
    Looking inside sge finds olde photographs and the Love Letters sent to her in High School
    She is immediately drawn to her childhood and she recaptures the youth she lost so long ago
    Looking forward for the first time in a long time to tommorow
    She exhales the demons of the past and moves forward knowing inside youthful memories easily overcome age
    Beautiful work Lorna!!!!
    This is the first write in well over 6000 poems that I read that not only created a beautiful vision
    But laid out a complete story in my mind hidden inside the write
    You are not only a masterful Poet Lorna but an incredible story teller
    God Bless
    Ron
    I am adding this to my favorites

    Please keep in touch
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the snow metaphor at the end. You do a good job with this, taking the reader through the pregression of the relationship. Nice work.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Covered by the settled dust of time,
    misplaced in the depth
    of moments long forgotten,
    a plain old shoebox waits to be rediscovered,
    even if only for a brief encounter.

    It is here, where paper and ink together,
    hold onto an eternal promise
    of a love once precious, once real.
    Faded pages uncover feelings
    long since buried, under the weight
    of a relentlessly bleeding wound.

    Like falling snow sparks the mind
    to gaze in wonder at such beauty,
    it quickly turns to thoughts of
    the dirty, salted mess
    that lingers long after.


    WOW!!! this is a very beautifully written piece. it is exquisite in every way. i love the idea of old love letters staying true to the feelings that they depict for the other person in the relationship. like you say "...an eternal promise"...it is quite the fresh breeze to realize that something, that is to say, not always someone, can remain faithfully in love.
    the last line is very sad, though. it jarred me from the vision that i was having in the first two lines. i guess, a reality check? relationships will always have dark times but the letters always stay true.
    great write.

    God bless you.
    john-paul
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Lorna
    Short and sweet Lorna, well written, again. You can do quite alot with so few words, nice and simple also but keeping to your tried and tested formula of writing, not sure what that is exactly but I definately know when I'm reading one of your poems.

    A bit pesemistic there at the end for me, I tend not to dwell on the bad memories, for that is the realm of regret and I (as you know) don't suffer them, we learn our lessons take the good times and move on with our lives.

    Anyhoo, enough wittering. Well written

    TTFN
    Phil
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]


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