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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Asylum Boy, Entry 9dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darkess
    ASL Info:    12/Female/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 30/93/39
    Words: 260
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1872



    Description:
       This one took forever to write, and I'm sorry, I don't know why.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAsylum Boy, Entry 9dots
    -------------------------------------------


         Everything hurts. Seio hurt me, these walls that are keeping me here hurt me...

         Chance. I don't know. I think she's hurting me simply because she's leading the life I'll never have.

         ...

         I took her offer. And I pretty much decided that the worst that can happen is someone takes me off to some secret lab and uses me as their test rat, or Chance turns out to be a murderer and kills me in my sleep. But that could happen anyway, right?

         And even if someone did take me off to some secret lab and used me as their test rat, I'd probably die. And that wouldn't be so bad. Because I'm going to die anyway.

         ...

         Basically what's going to happen is she's going to talk to the people in charge of this place (who, I don't know) and try to get them to notice that there's nothing wrong with me. Now that I think about it, it won't be that hard. They'll do some tests on me, I'll pass them easily, and she'll take me out of here.

         Kinda scary, eh?

         All this time, I've been waiting for some miraculous savoir to come and take me away.. (Maybe someone with wings, just like a dream.) And we'd fly away and I'd be free. But Chance, all Chance has to do is ask if I can leave.

         I think it would've been more exciting the other way.




    Submitted on 2006-12-03 07:02:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Savoir isn't a word. Check your last paragraph.

    That said, this feels like a transition. On to the next one!
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      "...In other news, the kid that was buried in an asylum was found earlier today, under a pile of bureaucratic red tape and redundant paperwork that wasn't properly filed. Here's Tom with the weather..."

    Could it be?

    Cheers.
    ~Orin
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
      All this time, I've been waiting for some miraculous savoir to come and take me away.. (Maybe someone with wings, just like a dream.) And we'd fly away and I'd be free. But Chance, all Chance has to do is ask if I can leave.


    just like a dream.) needs to be dream).
    instead...and other then they are getting shorter aren't they...hmmm

    She's 'Chance' is just going to walk in and say he's not insane let him out..hahahaha
    NOT
    I think you should try and keep up with that sarcasm and humor from the past stories...helps the read.

    You also need to put more of that wonderful imagery you had going on...what's up this is just like a cut back version of what you started.

    I had also noticed that you had asked for your 'viewers' to keep up the comments...well you need to do the same and keep up the good work.

    off to read the next..what is it five left...hahaha

    AWSOME night of reading ...thanks
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a rather short chapter, but poor Dove seems so lost in himself...like he's not really even there. I hate that feeling. I agree that an angel savior would be far more exciting..and more reassuring as well...sadly that's not how life works...unless Chance is a secret angel savior spy O_O which I doubt is true :)
    Good one...I'm off to read the next one...

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      you have this amazing way to get the reader into Doves head. I love how you showed Doves surprise: "all Chance has to do is ask" at this simple task that no one's ever attempted before as compared to this dream angel-savior. i also love the slightest bit of character development. innocent Dove who accepted life in an asylum in part one is now close to hating everything, is non-trusting, and is entirely radiating sarcasm.

    Please Keep Writing.
    LOVE and PEACE

    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]


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