for when i rise from the ashes to this world i come to protect thee people i love for thy protected me from harm for i will come and save them from death to this world i protetct they will live for the are not to die an early death then shal live a normal life without war they will live a life without sadness all that will disappear for ever in to the daekness and then will the light forever shine.for ever and always be there to help them in there darkes of days i will come and guide them to saffty to protect them from there fears.and giude them to the lite to help them heal there wonds. to go forth and to help others to pass on the legacy of who i am and to all i aid in the fight for life .for i am the lite that glows in your heart.for there i shall grow into your life to thee i shall i be to guid you to the hevans. t othere thee will live a life of happyness. to there thie well rest for life was kind to them. to there thee can rest.
Usually when I read something that's this long I usually forget what I read by the end but I didn't this time because it was good and interesting. I like it, it's original and very interesting. My only problem with it is some spelling mistakes.
Okay -- well this seems like a rewritten Abriham Lincoln speech. I really like the way you seem to repeat the words -- very smart, I think. Um -- some of the words can sound a bit more rhythmic maybe? Rhyme a bit more? (yes - I hate rhyming -- focus more on rhythm?). But then, there is also the fact that the poem reminded me of one long run on sentence repeated over and over again. If that's the effect then it was done very well.
It is a little unclear who's standpoint it is speaking from-your own? God's? Who is talking? This piece has an assurance of hope in it, I like that. Much better than the tritely overused depressing writings!
First, please fix a couple of your spelling mistakes. The first line was really long and a bit hard to understand since there wasn't really any punctuation. However, if you wanted to gain an effect by using limited punctuation, I suppose it worked relatively well. It's a stream of consciousness and I felt your emotion and your desires behind this. Overall, I think it's quite good if we ignore the spelling mistakes and such...
You need to get your thees and thy's straight. Some of them don't make sense. And you're also reiterating some of the lines in there. Otherwise, this could turn out to be great.
Submission Name: resotect
