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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Pet Morondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934



    Description:
       ~read something that sickened me recently~

    ~enjoy~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Pet Morondots
    -------------------------------------------


    my words are pretty

    as a maiden aunt with
    every opening sewn shut

    my words are pretty

    as an erotic novel
    full of lurid details

    my words are pretty

    as a leer that peels
    the person from the flesh

    my words are pretty

    as the substrata of
    misunderstood love songs

    my words are pretty

    as the oiled mechanism whose
    tumescence sought a son

    my words are pretty

    because my plastic hands
    composed their lustrous forms

    my words are...




    Submitted on 2006-12-03 15:47:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very effective, Bill. I enjoyed reading the comments to this and I almost wish you'd put nothing in the description box so I could have reacted to it without knowing what it was about.

    I see someone who is so disconnected from reality and whose aggressive arrogance and hateful words strip down what it is to be human, hence the plastic hands (in other words the writer isn't real)

    This poem reminds me of a guy I met recently on one of the poetry boards. He was saying that an African didn't fit the picture the writer was creating of an intelligent immigrant on the bus who couldn't yet speak English. The guy seemed to delight in saying things that were obviously off color and eventually morphed into a troll which was a shame since his poetry didn't bear the same voice.

    Enjoyed this one, Bill
    | Posted on 2007-02-11 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Insight into the mind of a cynic...

    I interpret this as a scathing rebuke, pure disdain for anothers choice of expression. There are an impressive number of aspects about this person's writing for which you have a highly corrosive comment.

    A clanging bell.







    | Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      I had to scan the other comments because quite honestly I didn't really get it. I agree with the coldness of it. It left me sort of wanting to turn away... like when you see something gruesome and you just need to look away. This review sucks! I'm goin' to read something else.
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      my words are pretty

    as a maiden aunt with
    every opening sewn shut

    my words are pretty

    as an erotic novel
    full of lurid details

    my words are pretty

    as a leer that peels
    the person from the flesh

    my words are pretty

    as the substrata of
    misunderstood love songs

    my words are pretty

    as the oiled mechanism whose
    tumescence sought a son

    my words are pretty

    because my plastic hands
    composed their lustrous forms

    my words are...

    This does have a very cold mechanical feel to it, especially the mention of plastic hands sends a strange message.

    The repeating line lends an obsessive note to the write and the
    feel I get is one of a criminal, like a sociopath who has no conscience. Yes, emptiness is the feeling but its very creepy.

    I'm like fred, I want to know what you read!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Goodness! You certainly did have an intense reaction. The comparisons of "pretty" with your images are extreme contrasts in some cases, such as the "leer" - a bit like saying the words are as pretty as a sharp stick in the eye. No question here: You certainly made your point erffectively. I liked best the comparison to the lurid novel, and also liked the last stanza - the plastic hands.
    I'm curious - what "pretty words" offended you?
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was interesting, and left a weird chill in the room,--I must add wood to my stove now.

    All of the similes for your “pretty words” are images of things hollow, shallow, superficial , empty—all depict a sad inability, (or unwillingness ) to make a real connection to others. I get a feeling of sleaziness, cheesiness, squeamishness that lingers as each successive couplet advances this thought.
    ”as a leer that peels
    the person from the flesh”

    I liked this particularly,that the core is stripped away from the fruit somehow. We speak of someone “undressing –with their eyes”—peel off the exterior to imagine nakedness. Here, you go one step further, where the person leering needs/want only the flesh, there is nothing else gratifying.

    The italicized repetitions serve to heighten the vacuity, with the robotic and simple prelude /response to each couplet, and the effect is chilling, somewhat like that insane talking doll (Chucky?) of horror movies. They also remind of a scratched record, the needle stuck in the same grove, --and again this colours the message of a senselessness, inappropriate affirmation from the “moron”

    ”because my plastic hands
    composed their lustrous forms


    I liked this final sardonic couplet, the premise on which the “moron” bases his reiterated proclamation. We know of course that the un-italicized thoughts and words are those of another,--you the author, and I think this dialogue-of-the-mind worked well in this poem.

    Now, --wood for the stove--

    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    127309

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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