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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Someone's got the Mondaysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SpartanSteve
    ASL Info:    20/m/texas
    Elite Ratio:    3.85 - 41/54/45
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 158
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 418



    Description:
       Feeling crumby, so I wrote a poem. If the thought flow seems off, it's because my thought flow is usually off :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomeone's got the Mondaysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rotten home, underpaid
    Ceramic gnome, labor-made

    Cruisin' and boozin'
    Hatin' and bruisin'
    falsely accusing
    and losing at choosing.

    When you're wrong,
    you're wrong,
    When you're right,
    you're wrong.

    Cruelty is the new currency, and we have the technology to make more.





    Submitted on 2006-12-04 09:55:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's a pretty funky cool poem. I have one teeny little question. Why did you choose the second line of the poem? It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. In fact it seems kind of force fitted just so you could get the rhyme. How does a "Ceramic gnome, labor-made" contibute to someone having the Mondays? I love the last line in that we have the technology to make more curency and more cruelty when they are taken as individual entities and also when they are taken as a combined entity. Bravo mate.

    Rick
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good.I really like it.The rhyme isn't off mate,it works well.The second verse especially is top banana.I love the line <losing at choosing>.Very original.The last line is really effective as well.Ok,it's not particularly structured,but who cares.You,as the writer make the rules.I also think the title is great.
    Breath of fresh air.
    Cheers
    A.C
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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