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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Asylum Boy, Entry 10dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darkess
    ASL Info:    12/Female/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 30/93/39
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2002



    Description:
       Woo, 10 Entries. Listening to 'Give Me Novacaine' by Green Day, just so you know. So the chapter turned out a bit weird, but that song is really good to listen to while writing. >_<


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAsylum Boy, Entry 10dots
    -------------------------------------------


         You get used to not knowing, you really do.

         ...

         I'm just an extreme. Really, I'm just like everyone else, but to a higher extent in some things.

         I don't know. It hurts, it all hurts. Grasping at everything that comes to mind, I'm trying desperately to convey my feelings onto a blank piece of paper, my only consolation.

         ...

         I let them test me. Well, actually, Chance made them test me, but it was my choice, right? I really think I shouldn't have.

         Just like when they fixed my eye. Dragged me down a hall, strapped me a table, hooked up some wires to me... Only this time there was no anesthetic, and the delirious feeling that seemed to tug at the edge of my mind was probably only my imagination.

         I needed something to hold onto. I still do, and it won't go away. I'm grasping my pencil like a lifeline. But I couldn't hold onto anything when they were testing me. They said it would affect the results or something stupid like that.

         I feel pathetic.

         It was only simple questions... Moreso about me than anything else. 'What would you do if you got hit by a car?' Huh?

         ...

         I can wait now, but waiting does nothing. I feel awful. Worried. Tired. Nervous. Sitting and leaning against a wall, sobbing for reasons unknown to me. Picking at the edges of this paper. Chewing the end of my pencil and wondering about lead poisoning. Biting my nails and pulling my hair.

         I feel pathetic.




    Submitted on 2006-12-04 15:13:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hello, identity diffusion--and CURSE IT TO AN EARLY GRAVE!

    Seriously, everyone faces that. I guess that's why this character's so easy to follow. He is facing the ordinary and the extraordinary in everything, and that makes the story hard to stop reading.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      "...I said I'm just trying to hold on..."

    ~Maynard James Keenan

    We all search for that comfort blanket. That something we need to ground us. So we can feel connected. Stable. So that we don't fear being dragged off or floating away. Most never find it.

    Cheers.
    ~Orin
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok...so you only have twelve comments given...
    so I don't know how many more I can give before the site tells me you need to give more.

    He seems so down hearted and Chance she isn't coming into play very much...why???

    k

    I have a few more before bed and I want to finish this tonight, as tomorrow I have a few other I would like to visit.

    this is some awesome work though
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I was listening to The Scientist by Coldplay while listening to this..it seemed to fit real well for some reason, but I can totally see the Give Me Novacaine inspiration...great band, Green Day...I haven't listened to them in so long though...anyways...
    I could so have nightmares about this stuff..I would hate to be strapped to sopme table...I would feel so smothered and constricted...I guess I would feel kinda pathetic as well...
    I woulnd't know what I would do if I was hit by a car either...depending on the force of it...I'd guess I'd just die lol...but yeah...wouldn't be sure how to answer that either.
    I'm telling you this so has to be published...I love this book.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING FAST!!! <3

    hmmm.. this one didnt come out "weird" so much as "different." (haha green day is most definately to blame) anyway, i guess dove basically stuck to his general thought process, but his thoughts were conveyed much more uhm.. maturely. like, dove usually has short sentances and his thoughts are straight forward. he's easy to understand. the thoughts in this chapter are of a more complex being, perhaps a much older dove. for example, dove would just say, "more" instead of "moreso" and i wouldnt expect the "lifeline" comment from him.. (thats my opinion anyway) but i think the paragraph about him being tested was right-on-amazing-characterization on your part. <3 (the "i wanted to hold something but they said i couldnt" type thing.) THAT was VERY dove. and, i think the reader (or maybe this is just my opinion again) would be much interested in hearing what other questions were asked, just out of pure curiosity. oh also,, i think you should go back to adding the random lines of poetry at the beginning of each chapter, they really helped summarize the upcoming tone for the chapter

    *high five on another amazing peice of writing*
    and THANK YOU SOO MUCH for getting it out so quickly and not having me run around psychotic with my own impatience*

    much LOVE and PEACE

    <3 and (/l)
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]


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