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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alone in the Bone Yarddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 813



    Description:
       Ok I admit I dug this one up out of the crypt
    but I read a good Cthulhu poem much better than
    mine but I thought I would post this one anyway




    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlone in the Bone Yarddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grim grizzled bones reside
    Upon gem encrusted thrones
    Powers every variegation
    adds a taste to the spawn
    increasing
    the
    Mass of lived inebriation

    Blathering in a pit
    Brood of demented demons sit
    While divested of their wings
    Mournful angels sing
    their
    drool
    watering the lethal foliage
    that feeds his children

    well

    Cthulhu the Damned Deity
    The stars must change to set him free
    As gray skies fade to sooty black
    And he prepares the next pitched attack

    Fastened deep within your mind
    An evil darker than the demonic kind
    The beast within will soon devour

    Leaving nothing human







    Submitted on 2006-12-04 19:23:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ah Cthulhu , I used to have several books about Cthulhu mythos but I have no idea where they went . Thanks for reminding me of their marrow freezing apparitions .
    | Posted on 2010-12-05 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem, good flow, cool imagery, but there was one thing wrong with it. There were many occasions when you used the word "dark" and i think you should definately stay with that general dark theme. I love the idea of describing everything as dark, however, it would make the poem so much better to do it in a way that doesn't let the reader realize that everything is described as dark. Instead it just gives them that overall feeling of dreariness or solitude, or any other bleak thing that may come to mind. This won't be hard to do for this particular poem, because none of the "darks" rhyme with anything, and so you can just replace it with another adjective or adverb that means basically the same thing or gives the same effect. Sorry about this, i have the uncanny ability to ramble forever about even the smallest thing. I'm gonna shut up now, you catch my drift.

    so besides that one thing, nice write! keep it up!

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhh! much much better! i like it a lot now! i think you changed it a bit more than what i suggested too, and if you did, then i love the improvements! if you didn't, then i'm just going nutty!!!! O.o i probably am anyways....the format's different too, which looks cool. great job!

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]


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