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sidewalk


Author: Angel_Sin
Elite Ratio:    6.96 - 20 /26 /30
Words: 150
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 850
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 768



Description:




sidewalk




Ms Hope stood on the mosaic sidewalk, while
Ms Elope's brood led a prosaic life.

Ms Hope eloped with a hunchback sailor,while
Ms Elope hoped to pack lunch in her pocket.

Ms Hope's happiness went ashore,when
Ms Elope put a harness on a sailor.

It's tears under the bridge of time,
stardust slipping from her eyes.
It is twilight on the edge of reality,
shadows settling in her mind.

Whose eyes, whose mind ?
When hope elopes with a bent love,
who is it that shouldn't be hurt?

If only
breathing and walking under the same sky was enough.






Submitted on 2006-12-05 01:34:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  So it's sort of a love triangle. Fascinating.

"Ms Hope stood on the mosaic sidewalk, while
Ms Elope's brood led a prosaic life." Those lines set up the poem perfectly. It gave a perfect visual of both ms hope and ms elope. And I love the names. It's almost coy. Adds a lot to the poem.

Anyway. Your flow is amazing. Even without a set pattern in this you still manage to make it flow. Great job.

The ending is perfect. Wraps it up nice and neatly, but also leaves the reader with room to imagine more.

I love your work.

-miss m.
| Posted on 2007-07-28 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
  Loved this bit

"stardust slipping from her eyes."
"It is twilight on the edge of reality,"

Liked the imagery, in the poem.

Curse ms Elope, taking advantage of a poor and innocent sailer.

Everybody gets hurt, by situations like these.

Kind regards
BX
| Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]


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