Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Grateful For What Idots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrateful For What Idots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Stomach wonít stop churning,
    When I realize itís you Iím yearning.
    I think of my life without your smile,
    And Iím only a disgruntled waste pile.
    I feel empty inside,
    Something within has died.
    Now, my soul is exposed,
    My cold heart inter-folds.
    I donít expect to rebound,
    Your resistance is profound.
    I simply donít blame you,
    For not giving a chance to this tattered fool.
    I know Iím my own foe,
    But I thank you for making my heart overflow.




    Submitted on 2004-01-29 15:09:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Awwwww. Makes me feel sad. Good emotion pores through. The first four lines are really good. Past that, I think the power starts to diminish a bit. "my cold heart inter-folds" is a cool line, though. The last four lines could probably be more smooth and original.
    | Posted on 2004-01-29 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1275

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Every..... written by jackz
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    prison written by ShyOne
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry