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    dots Submission Name: This Porcelain Heartdots

    Author: poetic_tragedy
    ASL Info:    16/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 39/55/30
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 996
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 684

       My boyfriend likes how I write and so he asked me to write him another poem before I have to stay in a hospital for this "anti-suicide" program for three months.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Porcelain Heartdots

    I set my heart up for yet another break
    I've had almost more than I can take.
    This heart made of porcelain, glued up and cracked
    Can't stand to be pushed around, but too slow to react.

    I thought it wasn't love
    Just another teen romance to be embarrassed of.
    But when you held me and told me how you felt
    I knew it wasn't fake, new cards to be dealt.

    I was sick of all the pain, the effort it took to smile
    But when I see you now, it was all worth the while.
    I had to wait to be happy, and I'm not quite there yet
    But you got me closer, and I can never repay my debt.

    Submitted on 2006-12-05 15:12:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, particularly the iamge of the porcelain cracked and repaired. Reminds me of how I've felt, oh so many times. It was an interesting mix between the depressed 'I was sick of all the pain, the effort it took to smile' and the new hope 'But when I see you now, it was all worth the while.'

    Bobby K has a point with the line 'new cards to be dealt.' It seemed out of place, as if it didn't quite fit, and was possibly only there for the rhyming factor. Whether or not that is the case the fact that it seems like that makes it seem forced. The other lines that I had a problem with were the first two lines of that verse:
    'I thought it wasn't love
    Just another teen romance to be embarrassed of.'
    The first line seems too short and the second too long. To me it seemed to ruin the flow and rhythm of the verse, and only serves to make the half rhyme, as opposed to a full rhyme, of 'love' and 'of' more obvious.
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem, I like all but the 4th line of the second stanza I think *new cards to be delt*
    should be something else. It feels like you forced it or you were rushing it.
    maybe its just me.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]

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