Dream-
Dixie cup-touch
Small Hands hold each other and swing
Old enough to touch
But not to know
Go-Tick
Tock
Touch
Take slow . . .
Break
Cry
Tick
Tock
Touch
Glow
Red Party Cups-Rush
Big Hands fumbling with Big Screen Dreams
Old enough to Know
Too old to Touch
-Tock
Tick
Take
Grab
Make-
Tock
Tick
Get
Go.
Well I wouldn't say this was chaotic, but there is a certain tension which makes it interesting and the string effect of the form reinforces the ticking of the title.
I liked the contrasts between the two strophes reinforced by their similarities,-- "Dream- Dixie cup-touch Small Hands hold each other and swing Old enough to touch But not to know"
compared to --
"Red Party Cups-Rush Big Hands fumbling with Big Screen Dreams Old enough to Know Too old to Touch"
I thought a little more clarity would help though, --one way i read this the last part sounds sinister, or at least unacceptable somehow. But it could also be the expression of mixed feelings towards first sexual experiences, --in both these sections i liked the imagery, and the way those images morph to more grown up symbols over time.
This was very well crafted, as even the end words rhyme in each strophe, maintaining the parallels of the two eras.
A very interesting piece, --my only suggestion is to maybe drop all the caps,--I think it would look better, and be less distracting.
Submission Name: Tick Tock Touch Slow
