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    dots Submission Name: Goodbye, My Lover...dots

    Author: Khargath
    ASL Info:    18 / Male / JC, Tenn.
    Elite Ratio:    2.61 - 22/33/16
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 814


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    dotsGoodbye, My Lover...dots

    I felt weak and quite dreary
    As I replayed the scene
    Over and over
    In my mind like a dream.

    If Only I had
    The chance to go back
    To the day that it happened
    It wouldn’t have happened like that.

    I would have thought more things threw
    And prepared all my words
    Instead of ranting and fussing
    And ending up burnt.

    Burnt like a candle
    Nearing the end of its days
    Forever these scars
    Will burden my face

    Now I’m without you
    And I suffer inside
    For all the times that I hurt you
    And all the times that I lied.

    I hope that you have
    A perfect life with another
    Because I have let you down
    Goodbye, My lover…

    Submitted on 2006-12-06 09:15:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      zach i like this poem. and i like th reference to the candle nearing the end of it's days. very good. i feel the same way about my ex. message me sometime and we can talk i think we might have a good conversation.

    | Posted on 2008-02-20 00:00:00 | by PrincessOfDark | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm.. I really love this. Most of the rhymes are quite fit. The seem to flow, and I like that. Not sure I liked the first mention of burnt. It seemed abrupt.
    | Posted on 2008-02-14 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, This is good Zach...I really think that this is a good poem although some of the word chooses could have been better. I hope that things will go better for you next time but remember that somethings you just can't change no matter how much you want them to. THings will always find a way to get better so just stick it though...I love your stuff
    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by Lover girl | [ Reply to This ]
      yay! a nonvictim relationship poem! that's my first thought. i'm not one to give advice on poems written about situations i have no clue about so i'll simply say what i can and that's not much because i'm usually on the opposite end of what this poem is talking about. the emotion is well conveyed although the word choice can be a little boring at times. you have an individual style from what i can see so keep up the good work.
    i figured i'd read something of yours since you were so kind as to comment on one of mine.
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]
      stop blaming your self for what you cannot change
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by jadasan | [ Reply to This ]

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