Upon this night the dead are born
Their presence, now, you feel near
The world will laugh with baffled scorn
Misunderstanding what they fear
But to what end shall your desire
Bring endless treasures from the past
To fuel hells eternal fire
"Alas my gold!", it shall not last
But still I dream of endless starlines
The wake of sands beneath my feet
And phobos/death are just confines
Alike my hearts eternal beat
| You know, I think this sounds better if read backward instead of the way it is now. Just my opinion, but it's sublime read backwards, with some modification (Haha, new word! I think...). Try it, and see what you think.|
Reading it as it is now, of course, some parts are somewhat off. I, myself, can't quite understand small parts of it, but maybe someone who does will come along and give a better critique.
But, this is very good. Something that proves less is sometimes more.
|| Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ] |