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Upon this night (darker/serious)


Author: Static Scream
ASL Info:    17/m/Russian(in Mid East)
Elite Ratio:    6.81 - 14 /6 /10
Words: 78
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 713
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 531



Description:


I'm posting two poems now, a dark and a light one, this is the dark one,

(the light one, is "sunlight")

In this poem there is a deviation, from the typical mythology themed things I like to write, and decide to ask questions (rhetorical ones, every question in my poems is rhetorical)

Phobos, is fear in Greek,

(also used in the moon pair of Phobos/Deimos)


Upon this night (darker/serious)



Upon this night the dead are born
Their presence, now, you feel near

The world will laugh with baffled scorn
Misunderstanding what they fear

But to what end shall your desire
Bring endless treasures from the past
To fuel hells eternal fire
"Alas my gold!", it shall not last

But still I dream of endless starlines
The wake of sands beneath my feet
And phobos/death are just confines
Alike my hearts eternal beat




Submitted on 2006-12-06 09:36:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  You know, I think this sounds better if read backward instead of the way it is now. Just my opinion, but it's sublime read backwards, with some modification (Haha, new word! I think...). Try it, and see what you think.

Reading it as it is now, of course, some parts are somewhat off. I, myself, can't quite understand small parts of it, but maybe someone who does will come along and give a better critique.

But, this is very good. Something that proves less is sometimes more.

Happy Holidays,

Sammy
| Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]


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