Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Amoebadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       well read it .. and what you think please


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmoebadots
    -------------------------------------------



    Oh love, your flight broke my legs
    This insipid taste which emerge of my lips
    Is poisoning my soul, i am devastated...
    Defeated, wishing i could walk, but dont even crawl
    My ideas are so vague, I lost my identity

    I despise myself while looking to the mirror
    I vomit to myself , i am so alone.
    Every move of you corner me.
    I need your oxygen...
    I should be reborn!!!

    Look for the way out between my skin.
    Every scar is a breath, every wound is “I am sorry”.
    Framed and throw-away
    How disgusting is being mortal damned to die..




    Submitted on 2006-12-06 11:09:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great premise and opening, but stumbles a little. You might be amused to think that since one ameoba just splits into two, two into four and so on, if you think about it it doesn't seem that any one would ever actually die, they just keep splitting and going. Immortal. It's just not fair, here with us being so "evolved" and all.
    | Posted on 2007-09-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Very graphic indeed. Hm...I do think that is raw, and hot, and like here. However, I do not see how it fits into the 'love' category...I find that this is prose--very straight-forward and unique.

    Me likey. ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my..... wow that is sick and graphic and wonderful. it's really raw , i might go back and look it over again once things cool down
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    127658

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Summer written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Incubus written by monad
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Giving written by jjd
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry