[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Asylum Boy, Entry 11dots

    Author: Darkess
    ASL Info:    12/Female/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 30/93/39
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 1338
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1438

       Love me. I update fast.

    I've noticed the Entries are getting shorter. I'm sorry guys, but this one's kind of depressing, and rather quick, but there's a reason to that. If you'd just been told something horrible like that, you really wouldn't have much to say about it.

    (Note: The first time I posted this, I posted it as Entry 12. Hehe, I'm such a dork. >_<)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAsylum Boy, Entry 11dots

         It’s a rather cruel song, and I can’t get it out of my head.

         That’s supposed to be bad, but right now, it just may be what will give me a portal back to the nightmare I grew up in.


         The tests only took one day. A rather nerve-wracking day, but only a day.

         Chance was with me as soon as it was over. She knows how to make me forget. She made me smile, and laugh, and let me talk about whatever I wanted. She even brought a book. A small kid’s picture book, but it was interesting anyway. She told me I could keep it if I wanted.

         He was there. He came in after she talked to me. He looked sad.

         I let him sit next to me. He seemed scared to talk. “I don’t know how to say this...” He wouldn’t apologize again. “Dove.. Dove, look at me.” Maybe I should’ve known. “It’ll be okay, I promise.” What... “The tests came back...” Oh no. “You failed.” What?

         "Dove, honey...” Chance was talking now. “You’re insane.”


         Like a song that's on repeat. Like a memory that I can't get out of my head.

    Submitted on 2006-12-06 14:43:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Thank you, Orin. Liking that response.

    Yeah, the insanity thing isn't exactly hard to understand--but how can they expect an understandable result from a test if the kid's been in a cage all his life? I'm surprised he speaks coherent English! Reminds me of the State Boys Rebellion.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Surprise, surprise, the kid's psychotic. Of course, this would have been more shocking if he didn't write on walls...even more of a surprise if he didn't write on walls with his blood.

    Insanity has become a fad. It's so mainstream, it's considered normal. Everyone has some sort of a psychological ailment. ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD I can list the whole psych manual for the matter, but the point is - insanity is normal. So, then. If insanity is the opposite of normal, but they're the same thing, then are we all insane, or do we all set the standard for normality with our mental problems?


    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
    I said WHAT
    WHAT WHAT WHAT????????


    well now he's been there all along and he's just where he whould be...sheesh
    Whatta kicker...never would have seen that coming.

    Ok...so just after I say that Chance isn't there she's back and so is Sieo...again hmmm


    I'm giving lame comments cause I'm getting so tired and need some fricken sleep before I need to wake so I'm going to get the rest under my belt so to speak.
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. Shweet. That makes it totally awesome. Now you can keep going? Because I mean if he wasn't insane he would get out. End of story. Boring. This adds a bit more onto the story which I like, but maybe this story doesn't need to be longer. Anyway I have noticed that they are getting shorter which makes me sad. You're a good writer and you shouldn't let it go to waste.

    But, Thanks for all of these Entries on Asylum Boy. He's so innocent I think. A sad character, that no one understands. Not even himself maybe.

    I really enjoy these and wait for them everyday, Like a stray dog looking for an owner. I have no life, and this give me something to do and read. I've read all the books in my house so..^-^ And this slows me down from readinf it all at once. Sometimes I don't get enough time to understand a story. But this one, I understand. Sort of.
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by EbonyBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      God...that would be horrible. I hope I'm not insane now O_O...
    I love the irony though...he was driven insane by the fact that he wasn't insane and could get out...but he was let down...

    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      What's that? Not to say you are lacking the whole character evolution paradigm here, but the only things Dove could've based himself on are Seio, which eveybody hates for obvious reasons - even though I don't really follow that mold - and here you have chance, this almost, okay well screaming-out-obvious motherly figure with an ironic name - for the story, how fortunate the man with none. The analogy scared me, because it makes me think I might be insane - I have music playing in the back of my mind almost always, when I'm alone or thinking, whether I'm listening to some or not. Another thing that I was dissapointed about, which might have been mentioned is, if the test really only did revolve around that one question. I mean, if it did... You're setting everything up for failure and a knee-jerk of an ending. Imagine a person who's grown up in a black box, how far do you think his mental capacities will go? What will he be cognitive of? Really, to be honest, nothing. And, for me, this is how your protagonist grew up - which is why to orthodox patterns of the character compared to contemporary teenage mindset was a little weird, and also that he seeked an outward evolution instead of an inward one. That, my friend, is psychological fallacy. And actually, after something like that... any sane person would infact have a reaction, like every other, to point the finger somewhere else and advocate his own sanity, or defence in any case. I guess that plays into his insanity, but this really comes out as ambiguous in the story because the reader identifies himself with your protagonist, and truly believes he is not - as doesn't have enough details to have even been able to slightly foreshadow it, other than maybe pessimistic irony. I think I've given you enough tangible stuff to chew on before you write your next entry... hopefully I've helped...

    | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]