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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Own Prisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 609



    Description:
       Not exactly wonderful, actually... not good by any means. But I thought I'd share it, and see if anyone could help me out with it. I've revised it many times, and it still isn't worth reading... Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Own Prisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Entombed, imprisoned,
    Denied light from the sun.
    Concrete floor, in the corner...
    A web of fear being spun.

    Shut off and refused life,
    Stripped of any last hope.
    There is no way out, no way in,
    Depression my binding rope.

    Clouded memories of love,
    Immobilized by visions of the past,
    Suffocating beneath these memories.
    I am trapped inside this chaotic mass.

    Surrounded by empty thoughts,
    And none of them to console.
    Held captive within my own mind,
    A prisoner beyond my control.




    Submitted on 2006-12-06 14:54:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Again I would have to say it was if you reached down into the darker side of my self consious and pulled the words of my own hell out letting them bleed with ink onto paper. GReat job I cannot begin to express how much I enjoyed and was touched by this piece.
    Heather
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by trynfinity | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, it nice peice, not perfect, but if it was then it wouldn't be worth reading. I'm glad that I can still find some poems that accurately depict emotion. Bravo.

    Acid
    | Posted on 2006-12-08 00:00:00 | by Acid | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem. There is no other way to put it. I wouldn't change anything about or try to make it better in any way. It depicts depression perfectly without being too vague or too up-front about it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by poetic_tragedy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    127675

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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