Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Own Prisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 609



    Description:
       Not exactly wonderful, actually... not good by any means. But I thought I'd share it, and see if anyone could help me out with it. I've revised it many times, and it still isn't worth reading... Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Own Prisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Entombed, imprisoned,
    Denied light from the sun.
    Concrete floor, in the corner...
    A web of fear being spun.

    Shut off and refused life,
    Stripped of any last hope.
    There is no way out, no way in,
    Depression my binding rope.

    Clouded memories of love,
    Immobilized by visions of the past,
    Suffocating beneath these memories.
    I am trapped inside this chaotic mass.

    Surrounded by empty thoughts,
    And none of them to console.
    Held captive within my own mind,
    A prisoner beyond my control.




    Submitted on 2006-12-06 14:54:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Again I would have to say it was if you reached down into the darker side of my self consious and pulled the words of my own hell out letting them bleed with ink onto paper. GReat job I cannot begin to express how much I enjoyed and was touched by this piece.
    Heather
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by trynfinity | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, it nice peice, not perfect, but if it was then it wouldn't be worth reading. I'm glad that I can still find some poems that accurately depict emotion. Bravo.

    Acid
    | Posted on 2006-12-08 00:00:00 | by Acid | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem. There is no other way to put it. I wouldn't change anything about or try to make it better in any way. It depicts depression perfectly without being too vague or too up-front about it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by poetic_tragedy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    127675

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry