Perfection is a dirty word -------------------------------------------
The essence of a god
It is a bad word
A dirty word
Take away my flaws
Make me whole
Make me decisive
Make me perfect
In your image
is a dirty word
I will never meet
Yet I still try
Until I faint
Until I cry
Until I die
What you want of me
I want to say the poem reads too plainly, but I think the poem is supposed to read that way. I might be thinking back to some of your prose pieces which have some interesting word usage and then allowing that to shade this feedback, but I just don't feel this and I don't think the word usage was very good.
Other than the already mentioned "it's", I've no thoughts on grammar.
When we come to just thinking, I can think a lot on this. I knew someone who was always trying to have everything just perfect and when it wasn't she'd just cry. I can see this poem as coming from a person obsessed with perfection as most people's obsessions can end up causing them so many problems that they view them negatively, but still pursue them.
This seems to be a more personal poem. I don't know you and I'm not really a community person, so I can't be certain. If it is more personal, I get the feeling this is targeted at someone in particular, based on lines 22-23. It could also be poem to yourself and how you never meet the standards you want to meet, which might lead back into the perfectionist thought I previously mentioned. Either way I get the idea of bitterness toward something.
Then, thinking on the idea of perfection itself. I disagree with a previous comment that stated perfection isn't true or real. I don't know about universal. Perfection is a state of mind or view, but it can be objective to a point. Something that is complete and fulfills its role could be objectively perfect. There's all this philosophy on perfection and some viewpoints view the lack of ability to improve disqualifies something from being perfect. There are two distinct and contradictory schools of thought on perfection, which prevents it from being universal. But it can be true or real depending on a point of view.
The contradictory views on what is and isn't "perfection" could be seen as another reason the speaker/author has such frustration and difficulty with perfection. In fulfilling one worldview of perfection, the speaker/author would be disqualifying themself from another worldview of perfection.
Wow. So the poem itself I didn't think was great, but I don't know any suggestions for improvement beyond mentioning that you call it a "dirty word" twice in the poem, which is acceptable, but if you can replace one of those statements with an equal or better statement, that would help. Unless the repetition is of import. The poem did make me think a lot, I don't know if that was intended. So for that I appreciate it. I like to think.
Apologies if this wasn't useful or something positive.
Bri, why concern yourself with Perfection? More importantly, rather than strive towards perfection, why not set your own immage, and create inyourself an image that you are happy to say is you. You shouldn't have to live up to any standards other than your own, and those ought to be ones that you can be happy living up to. I await the day when you have solid ground under your feet, that will neither erupt nor sink or split beneath you, the day when you are at peace(relatively speaking of course) with yourself, and the world around you and when you can go a day without having every problem set upon your shoulders. Salaam.
PS, ths was rather well done, and manages to sound poetic and plain at the same time, without being either. I kiled that.
Firstly, the line:
Your mean "Its" not the contraction of it is.
But for the poem itself, it is very good. Never before have I thought of the word perfection as a insulting, stupid, depressing standard. In your life, remember that there should be no such standard, and you should (in my opinion) find a way to be happy, and love everyone. I hope you are happy, for this is a sad piece. But a good sad piece, that is written well, and presents a honest clear picture of what you are writing about. Well done. Peace beautiful.
It wasnt tight, but loose, yet it had its strict structure at the same time. I liked reading it, because it flowed naturally in my mind.
And it shows a very well established mentality. Im continuing Ravens line here, No nothing is perfect, but that sure hell dont stop us from trying. That doesnt stop us from seeing perfection where there is flaws, even if we know the flaws.
I have looked into the mirror. And asked the question. I know Ill never get the answer. And that its a foolish question. Why cant I just be perfect? Is there a secret to it? Hidden in the lines of my make-up or silly clothes.
I dont know, I guess perfection is just another illusion, but it is one we all stribe for. And in one way, its healthy. It makes progress, to stribe for the impossible. Still, there are always people out there who is capable of exploiting that good thing, making it into a selfdestructive nightmare.
This strikes a chord with me, a very negative chord, as I strive for perfection. In my writing, not myself or my life. The poem is very, very, very far from perfect; perhaps emphasizing your point?
I'll attack this in a philosophical way, opposed to the technical way that I love so much.
Considering that perfection isn't universal, and therefore isn't true or real, nothing is perfect. Nobody is perfect. What someone sees as perfect is a trainwreck to the next. You cannot utter a phrase like 'what the world sees as perfect', because you really don't know what the world sees; you know only what you see.
I see perfection as the most messed up person on earth. Not because it is the opposite of typical perfection, but because the person has gone through a lot, and will hopefully come through victorious. Someone who's philosophy is 'through the fire and the flames, we carry on.'
All in all, you did well. Had this poem been perfect, I'd harp on you for it.
I love it. its very well written and well thought out. its a perfect description of how no one is perfect no matter how hard they try to make themselves flawless. it helps to scream out "I AM WHO I AM, AND I AM ME!!" very nicely done, i have been in many situations where i was just sick of being judged and compared to people the world sees as perfect