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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just a feeling...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: pixie_007
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 45/77/63
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 910
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269



    Description:
       All your life you try to find that one thing that makes you truly happy,and you get it but only to find that it was all just an illusion...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust a feeling...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    When you spoke,your voice was all I heard
    When you laughed,the world spun round
    All I wanted to do was keep you with me
    Hide you away and hope they never take you

    But then I sat up in bed and saw I was alone
    I wanted to scream and break everything
    Break anything that I could find and just...
    I don't want to be alone anymore,not again

    I know you're real,I felt you in my arms
    I know you exist,I kissed your lips last night
    I fell asleep in your arms,you held me so close
    But where are you now,was it just a feeling?

    In which part of my dreams did I lose you?
    In which half of reality did you walk from me?
    You promised to never let anyone hurt me
    But where are you now,was it just a feeling?

    When you touched my face and saw my tears
    When you saw my smile and heard me laugh
    Tell me that those weren't all just dreams
    That they weren't just a feeling to you...

    When you looked into my eyes you saw the emptinss that filled them
    When you looked into my eyes and realized
    All I needed was you to complete me...
    Was it all just a feeling to you....?




    Submitted on 2006-12-06 17:37:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So much yearning for this person and hey, you touched him and kissed him? Where was i??? lol! Just kidding. No disrespect. I don't where he went, but i wish you the best when he comes back...
    | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by In the Fire... | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I didnt like the repetitions at the endings, and somhow I think you should have been rhyming, since the verses other than missing rhymes seem very traditional. t seems that this poem doesnt know what genre to place itself in. So, Id either make it more traditional, or more modern. Its structure made it sort of difficult to grasp.

    BUT, the contents of it was different. I like what you are trying to say, and get where you are going. You have many fancy ideas and issues here. Like:

    In which part of my dreams did I lose you?
    In which half of reality did you walk from me?

    I dont know why, but these lines struck me!

    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Considering that love is just a feeling, a mental attatchment, your words contradict themselves. You felt 'just feelings' for a person. Or maybe you didn't and this is all just skillful roleplay.

    But, feelings are just feelings. They cloud the logic in one's mind. Love isn't necessary to survive, but it is nice to have.

    I completely forgot where I was going with that thought...

    But, the repetetive last sentences don't fit well. If it lasted from beginning to end, it would flow better. Repetition in poetry cannot be easily done, and must be skilfully used.

    But, you did well.

    Happy Holidays,

    Sammy
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]


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