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Frayed Edges


Author: poetic_tragedy
ASL Info:    16/f/USA
Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 39 /55 /30
Words: 124
Class/Type: Poetry /What you did
Total Views: 1021
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 802



Description:


Not one of my best work as far as rhyming goes, but it describes my feelings pretty well.


Frayed Edges



1 year later, I'm still wondering
Is this what I deserved?
You left me shivering in the cold
Of the loneliness I can't suffice

Your skin's decayed
In your hollow grave
A gray pine box in which you lie

All I've got left is pictures and the memory
A carving set in stone
And when I cry deep inside
I know I am alone

You made a plan
Grabbed a pistol by the hand
Made a hole in the bathroom wall

Now I scream my forgotten dreams
I'm dying from the inside out
My heart strings pulled until they broke
So let's snip off frayed ends
And cover up the past
Move on with my disappointments buried deep





Submitted on 2006-12-07 14:52:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  A poem doesn't necessarily have to rhyme and therefore just because this doesn't doesn't mean that it's no good. All I'd suggest is rhythm more than rhyme.Particularly if you haven't got rhyme a set rhythm is often important to allow it to flow. If you can try to put the rhythm together better this would be a very good piece of work, as it's got the emotion and the feelings behind it.
| Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]


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