Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Frayed Edgesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poetic_tragedy
    ASL Info:    16/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 39/55/30
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 942
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802



    Description:
       Not one of my best work as far as rhyming goes, but it describes my feelings pretty well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrayed Edgesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    1 year later, I'm still wondering
    Is this what I deserved?
    You left me shivering in the cold
    Of the loneliness I can't suffice

    Your skin's decayed
    In your hollow grave
    A gray pine box in which you lie

    All I've got left is pictures and the memory
    A carving set in stone
    And when I cry deep inside
    I know I am alone

    You made a plan
    Grabbed a pistol by the hand
    Made a hole in the bathroom wall

    Now I scream my forgotten dreams
    I'm dying from the inside out
    My heart strings pulled until they broke
    So let's snip off frayed ends
    And cover up the past
    Move on with my disappointments buried deep





    Submitted on 2006-12-07 14:52:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A poem doesn't necessarily have to rhyme and therefore just because this doesn't doesn't mean that it's no good. All I'd suggest is rhythm more than rhyme.Particularly if you haven't got rhyme a set rhythm is often important to allow it to flow. If you can try to put the rhythm together better this would be a very good piece of work, as it's got the emotion and the feelings behind it.
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    127812

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry