Description: Often feeling lonley when very young just a smile from a stranger could cheer me up.
We dont know what effect we have on others around us, but a smile a touch helps so much!
Dream -------------------------------------------
I sit and slip into a dream
Of things and how they could have been
Of deep love that brushed my heart and cheeks
Of pain, of loss, of despair lasting for weeks
I sit and slip into a dream
Of new love so deep and keen
Of hair brushing a tearful cheek
Of the joy of holding a lover week after week
I sit and slip into a dream
Of lost love and angels on the bed
Of the people who helped with a smile, and a nod of head
Of the many loved souls gone ahead
I sit and slip into a dream
Of people that just brushed my life
I wake to know the angles are real
And thank god for all the people that feel
And love and care
Nicely and deftly done poem ... you've achieved a fine dream-like quallity to the poem ... some excellent and well done rhyme here ... over all effect is really quite fine ... (a suggestion, and this is only a suggestion: if you were to even up the number of syllables in each line, say 8 or 10 syllables to the line, the flow of the poem, which is fine, would be, I think, much improved) ...still you deserve a big ... bravo! ... bravo! Michael
You know,despite it's soppiness I rather like the opening two lines.After that it goes a bit downhill I'm afraid.Line 4 of stanza 1 doesn't fit in with the flow of the rest of the verse and exactly the same can be said of the second verse.After that in the third stanza,line 3 doesn't fit then the last verse is all over the place.It would be a hundred times more effective if you stuck to the same patterns all the way through, and the last bit about god is totally unnecessary and makes it sound soppy and childish.Oh I like the title by the way-that's what attracted me to the poem in the first place. Cheers A.C
Submission Name: Dream
