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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Then There is Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: pinurplepassion
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere in TX
    Elite Ratio:    5.92 - 165/146/17
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1156
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1317



    Description:
       I broke the golden rule for this one, and did the first person thing. I wasn't quite sure how else to go about it. So here it is.

    This is my life right now. I am in love with someone that I have loved my whole life it seems, and we just cant seem to get it together. And now there is someone new that I could one day have feelings for on some level and I am terrified of loving for the wrong reasons.
    Enjoy it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThen There is Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The love of my life,
    How can I settle for less?
    He is perfect in every way that is him,
    And perfect in every way that he makes me me.
    Unbridled beauty.
    With his silver tounge and golden heart,
    His touch like silk on warm bare skin.
    And those blue, crystal eyes,
    The way they don't look at me, but INTO me,
    And read my thoughts like poetry.

    He is the ONE,
    The one I love for eternity.
    The other half of....of ME.
    And the one who loves me,
    but refuses to fall.

    And now there is you.
    What am I doing?
    You are perfect in every way that is you,
    And perfect in every way that you let me be me.
    Absolutely charming.
    With your open heart and your starlight innocence,
    And a touch that is patient and kind like an angel.
    And those soft honeysuckle eyes,
    And the way that I see myself when I look at them,
    And the way I see tiny pieces of him.

    You could be the ONE,
    So much like him, but you.
    Another part of...of ME.
    And the one who loves me,
    In spite of HIM.

    He is the one
    He IS the one
    He IS the ONE,
    But then there's you.






    Submitted on 2004-05-31 17:55:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      i would like to say that I like this one and yet i have little tiny microscopic bones to pick. I think there is too much use of "AND". It lessens the thoughts and makes it more shallow than into depth. I like it though. Would you mind if I add it to my favorites? I think I just might. I too have been in this certain situation before. The meaning that you are tyring to get across, I think, is this. Tell me if Im wrong. You had a relationship with guy #1(sorriy for numbers) or something like a relationship. There was feelings and emotions that you wouldnt feel for anyone else but him. You move on, somewhat, and you get involved with this other guy. Which , come to find out, you are having the same feelings for guy #2 that you had for guy #1. And that scares you alittle bit right? Because it's like, you dont want to be hurt or go through the same hurt that you did with guy #1. Wow. I think i just confused myself. I hope I got it right. I decided to read it over again and I feel like that was the overall meaning. Get back to me and let me know if i got the meaning right. If i didnt I will be sure to come back and read again because I like this one and I think you did a very good job on it, despite the little bones I had to pick with it. But you have to realize that no matter how "perfect" you believe your piece is. Somebody, somewhere, will find something wrong with it. Just some advice. Been there and done that. Welp. I hope this excites you and lets you know that you have just one more fan. Keep it up.

    Keep writing. It does the soul good.

    -Sierra
    | Posted on 2005-03-19 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      hey. that was really good. i loved the way the words were placed. its very different from the way most people write on here. but it still really captures the reader. loved it! by the way,im pretty stuck in love rite now too so...! but hope you make the rite choice in the end. take care. luv-Anna
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by freak writer anna | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought all in all it was very good it showed alot of meaning. but in the las stanza you wrote he is the one 3 times and i think you should change it a little bit. like adding a couple of words to the other 2 he is the one. that's just my advice anyway. bye.
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by lonely poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for responding to all my comments. I wish I could follow my heart, but the one I am in love with wants me to try to work things out with my husband first. I don't know if I told you this, but they are also long-time best friends, so it's even harder...
    Again, thanks.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you ended it. I see how it would be hard to do that one without first person. It could be done, but it wouldn't come across the same. I am in a similar situation, but mine is a little different. I am not in love with the one I'm already with.
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      wild coz! This is different from the others because of the twist in it and is a bit easier for me to understand. by the way who is the second guy? very nice flow in it it and i like the way you split the stanzas.
    Ja ne,
    Joy
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by Georgia Gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a gentle, lyrical quality. Clear you are a sweet-hearted female. Tounge is tongue.
    "With your open heart and your starlight innocence"
    "And those soft honeysuckle eyes,
    And the way that I see myself when I look at them,
    And the way I see tiny pieces of him."
    I say go for that guy, personally. But about the peom...yeah, it's way up there, probably my favorite out of the stuff I've read today. The repitition in the last stanza really ties the whole piece together. Way to be.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      girlfriend, have i been where you're standing. mmm-mm.

    when i read the last stanza, i read it with my voice inflecting indecision, so i suggest this:

    He is the one.
    He IS the one.
    He is the one ...
    But then there's you.

    loved this though, how it was talking to yourself like a crazy person in the checkout line at the supermarket, using any available time to think about the situation. great write! =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]


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