Would I?
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Description:
Entered this in the Death contest. I don't know if I won or not, but this is what came out of it.
Would I?
A gentle smile tugged at the corner of my lips, I always fantasized about my death, Would I die in my sleep, would someone take my life to live their own, Would I be missed, if I took this knife across my neck, Or flew from this tower so everyone could see my wings, Or took this pills that gave me great thoughts, most about my death? Would I die from suffocating, or drowning myself? Would I be slain in my home, targeted for my odd tastes? It seemed funny, that with every swing of my drink, I was committing suicide without anyone knowing? I needed help, just too proud to admit, If pride go before the fall, Then I must be falling, the only difference between me and you is… I’m never landing. |
Submitted on 2006-12-07 17:23:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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It made me think of all the stuff me an you have gone through together as sisters. An I feel the pain. That pain well always be know around us. An you did't but this just to one person.| | Posted on 2007-01-08 00:00:00 | by nikkisan158 | [ Reply to This ] | Well, your poem made me think and left an impact. Always a good sign! I like it. Is the change in tense at the last two lines on purpose? One thing that I noticed was the line "then I must be falling, the only difference between me and you is..." was that it suddenly brings a "you" into this poem. It seems out of place because there was no "you" before. This poem didn't seem directed to anyone - it seemed like someone just thinking to themself. The one "you" seems a little out of place. But I really like the "Then I'm falling...I'm never landing" ending. | Overall, very nice. | Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by pick a locke | [ Reply to This ] | |
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