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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Help is on the waydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1169
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       just letting some feelings out


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHelp is on the waydots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I walk through life I wonder
    Is there a darker side to man kind
    We all smile at one another when passing
    But do we have something evil going on in our head

    Life can sometimes get you down
    And this changes the way we think
    Most donít act on it but some do
    Is there a animal inside us

    Some say the devil made me do it
    Others cry in shame
    Who know why a crazy person
    Only laughs in vain




    Submitted on 2006-12-07 19:00:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, if I was to give you my thoughts on the overall thoughts and feelings of this poem, I would say you did very well. By raising a question, that I'm sure many of us have thought of atleast once - or atleast unconciously wondered about- you've drawn in your reader; that is the first and probably most important thing for you to do. I think that especially in poetry, you need to give your reader something to hold onto, to keep them reading. Whether it be your rhythm, a rhyme scheme, or in this case the pure thought of it all and making them look within themselves for their own opinion.
    I think the picture you have up is...well to put it lightly, creepy. And it definately added the mysterious/dark feel to your poem, or atleast for me it did.
    The only thing I would tell you to do with your poem is just put in the question marks where there should be question marks... And any other punctuation you could drop in. You'd be amazed at how much punctuation helps. Not only does it make your poem look more thought out, and gives you the advantage of looking smart ;) , but it also helps the way your sentences read. If you want one sentence to read more slow, to envoke more thought, then you could simply add '...' or just a coma.. Anything really.
    Good luck and best wishes. Keep writing, you've got a talent to grasp at :)
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      Well that does make you think, sure made me and that's a good sign. To me it has a little like dark side and an edge of mystery.
    | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Foreseer | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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