I use to catch fireflies when I was little. On summer nights, I'd wait till the sun went down, and as it fell over the horizon, and the sky faded from orange to blue over the bay. I'd strain my eyes for the faintest flicker against the deepening sky. I'd sit on the deck of the house, poised, just waiting- excited for a small glimmer of light. Once I saw it I'd dash off, trying to pluck the lights from the sky gently. When I caught them I'd just hold them with my palms cupped together, watching the light on my skin, and I'd giggle- I remember, as most little kids do, because back then- it was merely a bug and I knew not of it's pesters, but rather...that flickering light and the thought that if I caught one, and made a wish and it flew away.. it'd come true. I'd catch a lot.. and I'd wish a lot. I'm not sure if they ever came true.. I don't remember what I wished for, after all- I was a child... what would a child wish for... I can't even remember.

I do remember, however… a rocking horse, built on springs. Oh, how I loved the small creature made of plastic. It was tan…with a flowing black mane and tail made of plastic.. I'd drag it out into the back yard amongst the dandelions and play on it for hours. I'd be a run away cowgirl, at seven-looking for a knight. And I'd wish for one... on my little rocking horse. It still brings a smile to my face.. I'd ride away from my problems as a youngster without even going anywhere...- just bouncing in place.. on that plastic horse braced with springs. Then one day I was too big, and it began to crack in half.. The springs broke, and it wasn't ever fixed. I miss that rocking horse…

One day I woke up, and at an indefinable moment, it all changed.. I grew up. I had no choice, but to grow up. I forgot what it was like to be a child, not because they are simple, but because they have simplicity. I never catch fireflies anymore.. I’m never out on summer nights.. I’ve never watched the sunset…

It’s a shame really, that things are so complicated… but is it because I’m more complicated, or that I’ve grown to know complication and accepted that life is complication? Rocky, the horse, I can’t just bounce away on him anymore, run away on roads paved by imagination. In fact, I can’t bounce away anywhere anymore, there’s protocol to leaving, there’s things to be tied, and gathered, things to be fixed and always things to be made right. There’s social etiquette involved now..

‘Where are you going Kristen?’
‘Wherever Rocky takes me.’

‘Where are you going Kristen?’
‘Wherever I want.’


The subtle difference of growing up is dependency… I no longer depend on Rocky to take me places I want to go. But, I miss the places I’d go with him, bouncing alone in the back yard.

But, in a way- I’m the same as I was as a child.. I still wait, metaphorically on that deck.. In the summer nights, with the stars appearing and the skies fading. Waiting for that light to flicker, knowing it will, but tensing at the agonizing wait, and the strain of the eyes. I still wish, and I never tell these secrets. I still take that light, in all the darkness, and use it as a chariot to my dreams.

I still bounce, along …

I wonder sometimes why I don’t have a rocking horse, why I don’t catch the fireflies anymore. I realize.. These things grew too simple, and I took for granted that simplicity is what slows life down. Complication keeps it interesting, but simplicity is the sweetest, purest eternity. Simple passions, derive the most meaning.

As I grow older, I learn that, these moments, from bouncing away on Rocky, and catching fire flies, to laughing with friends, and cuddling close to the one you care about are simple, and the most treasured of all memories. These are the moments that keep me young, and these are the moments who’s meaning always stay the same. The moments of simplicity that can teach you the answers to complications, if you but take the time to listen.

Maybe I’m not so big after all..