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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Suffer Because Of Themdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeathTone
    ASL Info:    32 / Male / United States
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 81/55/29
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 997
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 731



    Description:
       This poem means alot to me, even if it doesn't flow or make too much sense, the meaning behind it is. I am having alot of problems right now and im not gonna let the people causeing it know that it is bothering me, so i hide it, but with each passing day, i want to die. I hope that is the impression that i put out...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuffer Because Of Themdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When the world causes so much pain
    And you become so emotionaly drained
    That you sit and cry the tears of sorrow
    Preying for there to be no tommorow
    So you consider taking your life away
    Because you can not face another day
    Wondering how they did this to you
    making you suffer the way they do
    Its hard to understand what you did so wrong
    And how it is you can hurt for so long
    Inside you die with each passing day
    But yet happiness is a mask you portray
    That you put on so they all wont see
    They pain and suffering that is supposed to be
    You dont want them to see you hurt
    Untill you bury your self 6 feet in the dirt.




    Submitted on 2006-12-09 13:12:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like your work and hope to read much more of it! I too am going through a very hard time and things are real hard right now but death is never the answer. Kick life in the mouth and start a new day. You have friends all over you just don't know it. Need to talk I'm here to lend a hand.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work and hope to read much more of it! I too am going through a very hard time and things are real hard right now but death is never the answer. Kick life in the mouth and start a new day. You have friends all over you just don't know it. Need to talk I'm here to lend a hand.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work and hope to read much more of it! I too am going through a very hard time and things are real hard right now but death is never the answer. Kick life in the mouth and start a new day. You have friends all over you just don't know it. Need to talk I'm here to lend a hand.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work and hope to read much more of it! I too am going through a very hard time and things are real hard right now but death is never the answer. Kick life in the mouth and start a new day. You have friends all over you just don't know it. Need to talk I'm here to lend a hand.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work and hope to read much more of it! I too am going through a very hard time and things are real hard right now but death is never the answer. Kick life in the mouth and start a new day. You have friends all over you just don't know it. Need to talk I'm here to lend a hand.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this is a good one. I think it flows pretty well, and it does make sense. At least to people who read it and feel something like it. I know I feel that way sometimes, most likely not the exact way and reason you fell it, but in my own scenarios and stuff.
    I love the opening:
    "When the world causes so much pain
    And you become so emotionaly drained"
    It steers you straight to the deep frustration and pain.
    And also this line:
    "Inside you die with each passing day
    But yet happiness is a mask you portray"
    There's always so much pain, but we have so many masks to hide it all.
    Great write. Absolutely love it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, there's a lot of raw emotion here, and that is always a good thing. very sad piece. it's awful when we get so depressed the only way we see to make it go away is to end it all. but, i'm sure you know, that ain't the answer.
    ok, a few nitpicks, but i'm only picking cuz i'm your friend..haha
    'Because you can not face the day' ok, this line, i think may be better if you said ' another day'. just helps the flow a bit. (this is just my personal opinion)
    happyness = happiness
    protrey = portray
    suppose to be = supposed to be
    excellent piece, i like the ones that make me feel it, this is very raw and heartfelt. you have a great talent.
    keep up the great work,
    michelle
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


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