Forgotten by Lil gal

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Submission Name: Forgotten dots

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Author:	Lil gal
ASL Info:	28/F-ya/here
Elite Ratio:	3.19 - 354/212/35
Words:	65

Class/Type:	Misc/Serious
Total Views:	240
Average Vote:	4.5000
Bytes:	470

Description:
i wrote this at work last night. it just came to me and i don't know why, but i felt compelled to write it down and post it here.

Forgotten dots

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Hear the words,
echos from times past.
Long ago cries
from valleys of the dead.

Listen...

Calling to the soul,
beckoning is the voice from the forgotten soldiers.

Remember me....
for I see you.
Decompose with us.

Dying on the field,
blood pooling around thier empty vessels.

Fight with us on the battlefield,
an join our long dead chorus.

Submitted on 2006-12-10 14:28:54 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
   A fine poem, reminiscent of the World War I poetry (ever seen the number of poets who died in that war??) excellent (in the final line you have written "an" when I believe that you mean "and") bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
| Posted on 2007-04-22 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow.
I really like this and it's so powerful.
I escpecialy liked the line "Calling to the soul,
beckoning is the voice from the forgotten soldiers."
I love how it says to remember all the soldiers, not just the ones we read about.
It's really good =]
| Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by Xx_bang_bang_ | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really powerful.. almost like it came from the dreams of the dead. I loved it.
| Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very powerful piece There are a lot of good examples, and very heartflet feeling in this poem! It is a great piece of work!

-Thanks for the comment

-AnnMarie
| Posted on 2006-12-16 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]
  Very strong omagery here of rather unpleasant circumstances indeed.

Reminds me of "Dulce et decorum est" by Wilfred Owen (I think).

Nick
| Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by Nick_23 | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent melancholic piece. I like the motifs a lot as I often use them and I just thought this was very well written. The descriptive style is excellent and the atmosphere is just the kind a piece such as this one could ask for.
| Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
  oooo.... Creepy gives me a shiver. I really like this. I love the mood!
Good write hun,
-Jenny
| Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey~I dont know why you dont like it~I do~love the imagery, all I can see in my mind is a cold, smoky Gettysburg, with soldiers laying dead all about (thats where the forgotten soldiers comes into play for me) and look, the spelling [censored] has nothing to say~hehe~but
overall I really like this piece~Ghostly!!
love ya hun :)
| Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it,, really sat me in a place of holy war, well thats what I got of it, I loved the beginning lines,

"Hear the words,
echos from times past.
Long ago cries
from valleys of the dead."

very well described, I liked how you manipulated with the reader, in the words, like you forced the reader to listen to your words instead of reading it, it got the powm the perfect atmosphere,

"Remember me....
for I see you.
Decompose with us."

I lived how you played with dead words, like ypu described yourself dead for the making the reader wanting more, saying "For I see you." very challenging and very fragile.

I liked the next line too, how u use the reader to come alive in the poem, saying decompose with us, like the reader was dead aswell.

"Fight with us on the battlefield,
an join our long dead chorus"

I loved the ending lines, even though they ended a little sudden, making me feeling alittle "was that it" I think u could make alot more of this if you tried, cause it got potential, very much, I might add. Loved the wordplay, and imagery,

Very good read.. keep it up, cheers..
| Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
  This does kind of remind me of all my friends who passed away.
Kind of forgotten, but we know they're there.
| Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by xgirlxbassistx | [ Reply to This ]

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