Decembers Love -------------------------------------------
Snow falls gently to the ground
As I dance in graveyard full of life.
The trees bow down as I make my way to you.
My love is masked in a marble tomb.
Come out and dance with me!
Goose bumps line my arms
As the cool wind blows.
Everyone tells me your not coming back
But I know the truth!
Your only sleeping and I will wake you.
The grass is frozen and cuts my bare feet.
Blood wakens my love !
So its loss is in vain
Come my love !
I call to you in all your splendor .
Underneath my finger nails the dirt is packed tight.
You see I dug you up once and I’ll do it again!
To get the negative stuff out first on the line of "I call to you in all you splendor" ,the second "you" should be your'. Besides that I thought it was very moving. You used great details for the kind of love they have. I wish it would be longer but thats not a demand because I'm sure I will be just as easly satisfide if I read another poem of yours. So keep it short because short means that there is an important point, which there is.
There is always an interesting twist with vampire stories. Certain lines makes the write original or certain thoughts or maybe even the way it is presented. What I loved reading in your piece is that you kept me on guard and gave me the courage to read on because i wanted to know what you're ending might be and i am very happy with the way this piece has ended. It's very new and very refreshing although the idea was said once before. I think the way you have put it made this write very unique in its own way.
The only thing i have to complain with is probably that you should be more descriptive where the lines are short because i think some of the lines miss something in it that can be more powerful while some of those long lines can be shorter because certain words are unnecessary.
But overall, I think this is a wonderful dark vampire love piece.
wow, this is beautiful....i knew vampires were capable of beauty lol i'm actually a loss for words, i just love it, simple as that. nice and dark, it does have a chilly feel, but gorgeous, all at the same time. i'm adding this to my favs. great work...AGAIN!! michelle