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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Decembers Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 683



    Description:
       Vampire love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDecembers Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Snow falls gently to the ground
    As I dance in graveyard full of life.
    The trees bow down as I make my way to you.
    My love is masked in a marble tomb.
    Come out and dance with me!
    Goose bumps line my arms
    As the cool wind blows.
    Everyone tells me your not coming back
    But I know the truth!
    Your only sleeping and I will wake you.
    The grass is frozen and cuts my bare feet.
    Blood wakens my love !
    So its loss is in vain
    Come my love !
    I call to you in all your splendor .
    Underneath my finger nails the dirt is packed tight.
    You see I dug you up once and Ill do it again!




    Submitted on 2006-12-10 20:07:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      very good....i like it alot...sorry i'm at a loss for words today..but great job!
    -Amber-
    | Posted on 2007-11-20 00:00:00 | by never_far_away | [ Reply to This ]
      To get the negative stuff out first on the line of "I call to you in all you splendor" ,the second "you" should be your'. Besides that I thought it was very moving. You used great details for the kind of love they have. I wish it would be longer but thats not a demand because I'm sure I will be just as easly satisfide if I read another poem of yours. So keep it short because short means that there is an important point, which there is.

    sincerly,
    sarahe.p.
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    There is always an interesting twist with vampire stories. Certain lines makes the write original or certain thoughts or maybe even the way it is presented. What I loved reading in your piece is that you kept me on guard and gave me the courage to read on because i wanted to know what you're ending might be and i am very happy with the way this piece has ended. It's very new and very refreshing although the idea was said once before. I think the way you have put it made this write very unique in its own way.

    The only thing i have to complain with is probably that you should be more descriptive where the lines are short because i think some of the lines miss something in it that can be more powerful while some of those long lines can be shorter because certain words are unnecessary.

    But overall, I think this is a wonderful dark vampire love piece.

    Do take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is beautiful....i knew vampires were capable of beauty lol
    i'm actually a loss for words, i just love it, simple as that. nice and dark, it does have a chilly feel, but gorgeous, all at the same time.
    i'm adding this to my favs.
    great work...AGAIN!!
    michelle
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      brrrrrr !!! chills me to read such a write.. well done...
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by E. Audine | [ Reply to This ]
      I never have thought such a beautiful piece would be that dark... wooo... vampire love, huh? It was really a nice write. :)
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by Czarina Words | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it very dark, but cool. It's kinda sad too. I truely do like it.
    Good write hun,
    -Jenny
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]


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