once you know by lauren hamill

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Submission Name: once you know dots

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Author:	lauren hamill
ASL Info:	24/f/can't say really.
Elite Ratio:	3.51 - 52/30/14
Words:	138

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	753
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	985

Description:
things people shouldn't have to deal with.

once you know dots

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Why do I hide.
From you I cannot.
My disguise has been
My greatest burden.
And why?
There is no reason.

You are everything
I should want.
Too good for me
I think. I want to
Be discovered—exposed.

Life is a shadow.

I try to find words
To tell you what
Plagues my skin.
Things you’ve never felt
And wouldn’t ever want.

This will change
Everything. These words
Will make you think twice
before crawling
Under my sheets.

In my bed you wait.

I rehearse in
My bathroom mirror.
For it has all been so
Perfect, yet, I know
This will change it.

You will look
At me with judgments.
The warmth in your
Groins will grow cold.
Once you know.

My innocence hasn’t changed.

Submitted on 2006-12-10 21:15:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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||| Comments |||
  Like a few others I'm on the confusion train. The start was great and picked me up for this seemingly wonderful insight but then the ends throws the train off the tracks.

I know and understand the sentiment you deliver.... How the changing of a relationship can be hinged or balanced on that one truth, thought or feeling that hasn't yet been revealed.

| Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
  The ending doesn't work for me. Otherwise, you've got a great start going. If you were actually going for the quote, then "Life's a shadow" should be "Life is a walking shadow," but you might not have been.

Keep writing.

--crimson echo
| Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
  this was great a mysterious poem keeps the reader guessing at the end

a good poem should have the mysterious side and also a touch of grace

great write
sandman
| Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it. I especially like the start but I just dont get the end...about the innocence...can you explain it to me? I mean innocence cant really change ever can it? So what exactly are you hiding from him? I like how the poem works though, the structure and everything, it flows well and the idea is solid.

-Randee
| Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.