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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: once you knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lauren hamill
    ASL Info:    24/f/can't say really.
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 52/30/14
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 985



    Description:
       things people shouldn't have to deal with.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsonce you knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why do I hide.
    From you I cannot.
    My disguise has been
    My greatest burden.
    And why?
    There is no reason.

    You are everything
    I should want.
    Too good for me
    I think. I want to
    Be discovered—exposed.

    Life is a shadow.

    I try to find words
    To tell you what
    Plagues my skin.
    Things you’ve never felt
    And wouldn’t ever want.

    This will change
    Everything. These words
    Will make you think twice
    before crawling
    Under my sheets.

    In my bed you wait.

    I rehearse in
    My bathroom mirror.
    For it has all been so
    Perfect, yet, I know
    This will change it.

    You will look
    At me with judgments.
    The warmth in your
    Groins will grow cold.
    Once you know.

    My innocence hasn’t changed.







    Submitted on 2006-12-10 21:15:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Like a few others I'm on the confusion train. The start was great and picked me up for this seemingly wonderful insight but then the ends throws the train off the tracks.

    I know and understand the sentiment you deliver.... How the changing of a relationship can be hinged or balanced on that one truth, thought or feeling that hasn't yet been revealed.

    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending doesn't work for me. Otherwise, you've got a great start going. If you were actually going for the quote, then "Life's a shadow" should be "Life is a walking shadow," but you might not have been.

    Keep writing.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great a mysterious poem keeps the reader guessing at the end

    a good poem should have the mysterious side and also a touch of grace

    great write
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. I especially like the start but I just dont get the end...about the innocence...can you explain it to me? I mean innocence cant really change ever can it? So what exactly are you hiding from him? I like how the poem works though, the structure and everything, it flows well and the idea is solid.

    -Randee
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]


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