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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Dances Among Butterfliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1092
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1423



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Dances Among Butterfliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Calloused hands desperately toil
    Within the rugged open fields
    Adjacent the old faded lighthouse
    Near the banks of the raging Auburn sea

    She is scorched by the blazing sun
    She cannot rule
    Tilling the vineyard
    She cannot keep
    With the strength she does not have

    Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously
    Toward the conceiving clouds
    As an infant's posed lips rise
    Unto a mother's ample breast
    Releasing swirls of rainbows
    Relentlessly through tousled hair

    Butterscotch breezes conform
    To the curves of her supple body
    Bare foot she muses
    Tickling Canterbury bells with her toes
    Lavender kisses shower a flaming lily
    While crickets air a dulcet canticle

    Suddenly-
    As a rushing mighty wind
    A myriad of butterflies
    Expel from her naval
    Their fluttering abstract wings
    Caress her plump earlobes
    Another the kiss of her mouth
    Wing-by-wing they posy
    Skirting the uncharted ivory
    Of her inner thighs
    Dancing from noonday
    Until the silver moon rising
    Enthralled, exhausted,
    She collapses in worship of the Son

    As the young virile suitor draws near
    Liberating the captive giggles from her throat




    Submitted on 2006-12-11 12:47:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh. My. Goodness. I'm speechless after that one! That's the kind of thing an author like me who describes her work as mediocre at best realises that it's not even mediocre. That was just wonderful. Your uses of words and metaphors are simply amazing.

    I honestly don't know what else to say about this piece other than it was brilliant, and that Christ can do all things, including heal our wounds :)

    Very well done!

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...I'm kind of at a loss for words here. I'm having a hard time getting beyond your description and my heart goes out to Cynthia. This was a beautifully written piece that lends a tremendous hand to hope. The imagery was absolutely amazing and there isn't a whole lot that I can say that hasn't already been said. This did have a very personal feel to it and really brings one to realize that things can always turn around for the better, no matter what life hands you. It's very clear through this piece that your heart is completely in the right place. Beautiful!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      this is the kind of writing that makes me want to write again. it looks and feels exactly like the stuff ive read that spurred me on and made me fall in love with the beauty of words.

    thanks again for writing this.

    thanks for the fall.

    -pietro
    | Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      JP. Thanks for directing me to this.

    The description you posted offered the key, though in parallel to this, you have done a great job of delivering a distinct beginning, middle and end. The struggle of challenge, overseen by the light (lighthouse) of God's love. The girl cannot find salvation by herself, but the gifts offered by both Jesus and corporeal companionship add meaning and joy to her life. The proverbial pheonix rising from the ashes.

    This is a beautiful love story. The imagery and emotion you very effectively convey make it a favourite of mine. All the best for you & Cynthia!

    Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-01-09 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello

    As I promised, I will finally complete my comments on this poem since I have free time! . I have to say that this poem took me the longest to understand through its wonderful descriptions, but I love taking my time to figure it out. I had dictionary.com pulled up as a last resort for defining words that I do not know of (I am horrible at vocabulary, so this is a learning process as well!)

    I believe that a poet leaves the magic of mystery behind each poem that they write, in order to have the reader wander, until they finally find the answer whether that be now or later...wisdom will always come out it.

    I am going to do my best though! I realize that this poem is based on Christianity, and since I am not Christian (I am Muslim), I still find this poem very close to my heart since we share the same love for the Virgin Mary and for Jesus.

    This poem, to me, is about miracles..that they do happen, that they exist...From the first stanza:

    "Calloused hands desperately toil
    Within the rugged open fields
    Adjacent the old faded lighthouse
    Near the banks of the raging Auburn sea"

    When I first read this, I honestly didn't know whose hands you were referring to. I assumed it to be the Virgin Mary, by the end of the poem (but that's just a guess as well). Since I interpret it as Mary, I feel that these "rugged open fields" represent her virginity. She has been untouched, just as these open fields, which is why anyone's hands may be calloused from trying to toil these untouched fields. The "old faded lighthouse" can have two interpretations imho. It reminds me of the story of Jesus' birth, that the three wise men recalled seeing a star, and that star was to signify something great that were to be happening that blessed night. I also feel that a little light from anything sends hope and comfort to anyone. Mary might have not understood why or how she is to give birth to a child when she had been untouched, by that little light in the end of the tunnel may comfort her, and restore her confidence in her Lord. Also, it seems to paint a picture of a sunset...that a new day is to come, and really, a new life...a milestone for the whole world. I see that this stanza is one of the most powerful throughout the whole poem because it shows Mary's sacrifice and devotion.

    "She is scorched by the blazing sun
    She cannot rule
    Tilling the vineyard
    She cannot keep
    With the strength she does not have"

    I see that Mary struggles, as any woman would do if she were pregnant. It is here that I feel that she is pregnant since she "cannot rule" and "cannot keep/ with the strength she does not have"....yet it should be noted that she is "scorched by the blazing sun"; she is trying so hard to keep everything orderly despite her hardships that pregnancy has. I feel that these open fields have been "plowed" neatly since she is devoting herself towards that so much by being in the blazing sun.



    "Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously
    Toward the conceiving clouds
    As an infant's posed lips rise
    Unto a mother's ample breast
    Releasing swirls of rainbows
    Relentlessly through tousled hair"

    I feel that finally, Jesus is born. The "sonorous voice crescendos" may well be the baby's cry once out of his mother's womb and introduced into the world. I think it's really beautiful to say "mellifluously" because it can take both of its definitions...one definition being that it's a sweet sound "melli" (of the voice), or "honey flowing" (melli-flu). I recall that it was a tradition for the Jews to annoint a king or a prophet. Jesus is looked upon as both the King of the Jews, and a Prophet to some, and of course, even more...Usually they were annointed with oil, but I think it's wonderful to think of honey. Honey is even an old remedy, and in that, one can say that the sweet voice heard (possibly the cry) was as sweet as honey.
    The rainbows also have many meanings to me, because rainbows only come after it rains. For it to rain, means that comfort has been sent...that with Mary's patience and hardship (blazing sun), that the drought is gone..rain has come, and beautiful things will come from it. It doesn't even have to be Mary, it can be her people as well. The Jews were oppressed at the time, and for it to rain, may signify a prosperous future to happen.


    "Butterscotch breezes conform
    To the curves of her supple body
    Bare foot she muses
    Tickling Canterbury bells with her toes
    Lavender kisses shower a flaming lily
    While crickets air a dulcet canticle"

    To me, this was the strongest point from the whole poem. I loved "Barefoot she muses/ Tickling Canterbury bells with her toes" because indeed something did come out of that "rugged open field" that was spoken of in the beginning...the land flourished because of that rain..and that answer might as well be Jesus' birth himself. I see that his other entitlement "The Savior" can very well apply here.

    "Suddenly-
    As a rushing mighty wind
    A myriad of butterflies
    Expel from her naval
    Their fluttering abstract wings
    Caress her plump earlobes
    Another the kiss of her mouth
    Wing-by-wing they posy
    Skirting the uncharted ivory
    Of her inner thighs
    Dancing from noonday
    Until the silver moon rising
    Enthralled, exhausted,
    She collapses in worship of the Son"

    I love this too especially where the butterfly comes in to play! Jesus suffered throughout his life, trying to send his message to the people, yet he was tormented...he was tortured, and after his death, came many believers. I think that those believers that sought his message, can be the butterflies...that his spirit is with everyone, and he is out of his cocoon into the hearts who want to believe in him. That is wear the colors of life begin. "Skirting the uncharted ivory /Of her inner thighs"<--This hinted to me that it referred to Mary as well because I think it represents virginity (uncharted ivory/ of her inner thighs).

    And until the end, he spoke the truth (the end=the moon), where Mary "collapses in worship of the Son".

    "As the young virile suitor draws near
    Liberating the captive giggles from her throat"

    I feel that this "suitor" (Jesus) liberated her from the oppression that she dealt with at that time. He really changed the world from that moment....Sheer genius..


    I loved this poem! I really do! Please let me know what you really thought, because like I said, I am not very good at interpreting (especially if it is a religious poem), so let me in on your thoughts . And hey, I might have been way off as well! I love to know the author's point of view because it furthers my understanding on things Take care..if I had the choice, this would conquer my entire favorite list over and over again!!

    Bless you!
    ~darkrose16
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by darkrose16 | [ Reply to This ]
      it seems ive been by this piece a hundred million times in the last coupla days.
    i am completely unable to comment on it.
    i cannot connect myself with the piece itself very well because i am still so lost in the description... when i read all she has been through and the tenderness with which you seem to address it i just... sigh... and then i think of all the things life has dealt with me... of all the books i could write... of all the miracles i have been waiting for and all the ones i have recieved.
    then i think of Jesus and how my life would be nothing without him and how often i forget just how much he has faithfull bought me through and then i think i suck.

    and thats just what the description of the piece brings out in me...

    all i have to say right now it is that i appreciate the butterfly image here.
    P.O.D had a song that had something to do with a line 'send a butterfly or two' and for a while there that was my constant prayer... send a butterfly or two... a nice little something to remind that he was there and i was gonna make it through the day... butterflies came in all forms... a little kid giving me a shy smile... someone saying something nice about me that was completely unexpected... yeah... butterflies... and i think they are such beautiful things coz they start off so ugly you know...
    ugh... im not saying anything about anything right now so im gonna shut up but please know i appreciate this piece more than you realise.
    thanx for posting.
    your girl is really lucky
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it very much, had a great imagery, and it flowed nicely, very good indeed!!

    "Calloused hands desperately toil
    Within the rugged open fields
    Adjacent the old faded lighthouse
    Near the banks of the raging Auburn sea"

    The imagery of this was magnificent, reminds me of my own style, not to sound like im high on my pedistal or anything, cause im not, it just does, it reminds me of my own writing style, I love it!! and I loved the extraordinary words u put in..

    "Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously
    Toward the conceiving clouds
    As an infant's posed lips rise
    Unto a mother's ample breast
    Releasing swirls of rainbows
    Relentlessly through tousled hair"

    I loved these lines alot,. the imagery was outstanding and you painted a perfect picture, well actually in two ways, in my head and in the poem too!! even though the picture in my head was alot different than the picture, I loved it anyway!?

    Very good!!

    | Posted on 2006-12-16 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a lot of interesting and sometimes surreal images. Theres a lot of nice -c alliteration. Actually, auburn sea (I don't think personifying auburn works well) makes sense to me; it makes me think of walking in the water and stirring up the sand at the bottom. However, cannot is one word. I also think that "Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously" needs an "a" or a "her" (or whatever pronoun you left understood there). I'm not sure that "posy" is ever a verb, but it may just be a usage of which I'm unfamiliar. I think you should make "Dancing from noonday/ Until the silver moon rising " parallel: perhaps you could say "Dancing from noonday/ Until the silver moon" or something like that.

    The title made me think of a poem of mine called Waking up in New Blue Clothes:

    A caterpillar rested
    Upon a skinned bamboo knee
    Among those grass trees
    With his greenness and segments
    He considered the shoots his brothers
    But he recalled his mother telling him
    That he'd doze in a white sleeping bag
    Emerging like a switchblade knife
    Revealing its edge
    In brilliant new clothes
    When he awoke
    He was clad in shiny blue
    And he found a home fluttering
    Among violets and ballerina tutus

    I hope all is well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello John - Paul. This is beautiful. a sense of hope and fulfilment from the sad closed world that she finds herself in and the light of understanding beckons her to true fulfilment of not only her dreams but a fresh start away from the stones that hold her.
    I shall enjoy reading this time and again.
    Very Best Wishes
    Colin Douglas.
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Colin Douglas | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not so sure about this one. (Could be because my style's not so impossibly upbeat.) But I get that you're trying to lift someone up who's had hard times in her life, so I guess that fits the subject matter. You string the words together quite well, though some of your choices...I'll just say I think I've read better from you, even if this is your featured piece.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Someone was once able to fit the entire text of the King James Bible onto a single 1.44 floppy disk. Quite a task one might say, the whole word of God in a tiny piece of plastic.

    But God is in every butterfly that flaps it's wings and causes a chaotic Typhoon or brushes the lip of a young girl. He lives in Cynthia as surely as there are waves and wind and you have shown the God in her to us with your words.
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful john-paul and I always love to visit here, she's a beauty with all that behind her, she has to be. I copied the entire poem and see little that I would change.




    Calloused hands desperately toil
    Within the rugged open fields
    Adjacent the old faded lighthouse
    Near the banks of the ragging Auburn sea

    I think you want one "g" in raging or maybe your meaning is exactly that, raging seems more applicable to sea.

    She is scorched by the blazing sun
    She can not rule
    Tilling the vineyard
    She can not keep
    With the strength she does not have

    Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously
    Toward the conceiving clouds
    As an infant's posed lips rise
    Unto a mother's ample breast
    Releasing swirls of rainbows
    Relentlessly through tousled hair

    I see the care of the Divine Mother here and well it should be that we all sense her care. This seems very inspired by Daoism
    and I like your open mind in terms of God is God everywhere.
    Beautiful images and care shows in all of this, I'm in love with love herself, but can you blame me?

    Butterscotch breezes conform
    To the curves of her supple body
    Bare foot she muses
    Tickling Canterbury bells with her toes
    Lavender kisses shower a flaming lily
    While crickets air a dulcet canticle

    Suddenly-
    As a rushing mighty wind
    A myriad of butterflies
    Expel from her naval
    Their fluttering abstract wings
    Caress her plump earlobes
    Another the kiss of her mouth
    Wing-by-wing they posy
    Skirting the uncharted ivory
    Of her inner thighs
    Dancing from noonday
    Until the silver moon rising
    Enthralled, exhausted,
    She collapses in worship of the Son

    As the young virile suitor draws near
    Liberating the captive giggles from her throat

    you paint her as so delightful and it's such a gift toa have a young person like this in our lives, if she knows she is loved that is everything. Beautiful work, Father, I feel your love in everything you do.

    Nan


    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Auburn sea? Red sea maybe only thing makes sense to me.

    Now had you not given us a description I would have thought
    this to be an ode to the mother church in fact I do believe that
    is what this is all about.
    And it is truth to tell quite pretty.

    Dale
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      Sonorous voice crescendos mellifluously
    Toward the conceiving clouds
    As an infant's posed lips rise
    Unto a mother's ample breast
    Releasing swirls of rainbows
    Relentlessly through tousled hair

    Butterscotch breezes conform
    To the curves of her supple body
    Bare foot she muses
    Tickling Canterbury bells with her toes
    Lavender kisses shower a flaming lily
    While crickets air a dulcet canticle



    Stunning, Reverend. It would appear that your vision of her is what makes Sindy Sacred, and very little seems to matter except the love you share. There is an underlying current of both physical and spiritual love and the Biblical references (to the Pieta in the breast feeding child and to holy pilgrimages a la the Canterbury Tales) are remarkably powerful for being so low key.

    Are you and the sacred one contemplating marriage any time soon?

    Later.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is indeed a lovely poem. Beautifully written and the descriptions and word choices throughout this poem are perfect. The picture you chose for this piece compliments it wonderfully and I just dont have a bad thing to say about this. I found it very enjoyable to read and the imagery throughout this is very good. Nice work.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Michelle directed me to this poem, and it is absolutely beautiful! In the abstract, it can provide healing and beauty that human form can never conceive. Brilliant work, this! Thank you for posting this beautiful work!
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i have to say, this is one of the most beautiful pieces i've ever read!! it's all so stunning, the flow is silky smooth and the words are so pretty. i could see it all playing before my eyes. (and the pic is gorgeous, too!)
    sounds like she has been through an awful lot, going by your description of this piece.
    please pass on my best wishes to her.
    and as for this poem, i gotta add it to my favs. i could read this again and again! stunning work!
    michelle
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      alright. You commented on me and suggested this poem to read, so read it i did. it is a wonderfully written poem. You have amazing mastery of imagry and metaphor. But really, im sorry if this is mean. thats all it seemed to me. Some people really take to these poems, but i prefer ones with a little more plain a message. its beautoful and nice to listen to, but i think the message and the real story gets lost behind lots of flowery words and phrases. do not get me wrong i think this is a wonderfully written poem, and there is very little, if anyting at all, for me to really bash upon. but its just not my style. if i were you i would work on makeing it a little more clear the message you were trying to convey. But wonderfull write kid (not that you actualy are a kid, i just call people kid)
    ~Shadow
    note: i ALWAYS repay a comment with a comment, and i agree people do not comment enough on this site, so if you want a comment, all ya gatto do it come and read one of mine.
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Miss Sacred Sindy won't know what to say. The description alone made me... emotive. The words... made me feel like a voyeur intruding upon something meant only for you two to share.

    Print this out and give it to her. And tell her she's the only one (because she is, I know)...

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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