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    dots Submission Name: *Looking Forward(revised)dots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 842
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 502

       this is a repost was hoping to get more comments...need help with title and last stanza..also i dont know if

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Looking Forward(revised)dots

    opening up wounds
    revealing the past
    remembering tragedies
    and feeling downcast

    breaking of hearts
    and tearing of dreams
    with hopes demolished
    wounding esteems

    ripping and stomping
    'til you're broken inside
    feeling like shit
    'til you run and hide

    the past's the past
    look into the future
    create your own destiny
    it's what you feature

    Submitted on 2006-12-11 14:19:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it is definitely a good write

    I couldn't understand the last line.

    Perhaps if you altered the second line...
    for eg.

    The past's the past
    if the future you'll see
    you'll create your destiny,
    and you'll become what you'll be.

    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by albery rinash | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write.....
    The only real bad thing in it...
    is that it has a little bit of forced rhyme at the beginning of the piece.....
    Don't get discouraged....
    Keep working maybe try some free verse....
    You can sometimes get rhyme in it without knowing....

    Kat <3
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by Crescent | [ Reply to This ]

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