Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: X-mas Abbreviateddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: graeme
    ASL Info:    33/M/Maple Ridge B.C. Can
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 26/43/19
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 829



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsX-mas Abbreviateddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel sick to my stomach
    She loved this time of year
    Nothing about it makes me smile anymore
    I feel sick

    The mall makes me really want to vomit
    People everywhere spending, spending...
    Pushing each other along the way
    I might vomit

    The flyers make me want to scream
    I shouldn't need to buy buy buy for love
    Forcing me to think these thoughts
    I'm screaming

    Television makes me want to cry
    All the Christmas specials begging for ratings
    Problems can't be fixed in 30 minutes
    I just might cry

    She loved shopping, buying and watching
    It all makes me sick now
    I find myself sick, vomiting, screaming, crying
    For her and for myself






    Submitted on 2006-12-11 16:41:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      At first I resented the repetition of "feeling sick"--but then in the second strophe, with the repetition of the "vomit" lines, I was kinda hooked, and by the end realized it was a effective and compelling device.

    My overall impressio n is one of Loss --and an overwhelming sadness that stems from that loss. Nothing you see, hear, touch--experience -- escapes the thralls of memory,--and thus we experience second-hand your deep and devastating grief.

    This is a heavy read, but well executed

    Peace and Love
    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    128363

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry